The Quiet Returning

My mermaid darlings of the Stillwater Petticoat Society,

The older I grow, my mermaid darlings, the less I believe steadfastness arrives in one glorious sweeping transformation, announced by trumpets and followed by a perfect string of disciplined days. It seems, instead, to enter quietly through the side door whilst a woman is occupied with ordinary things; lighting the lamp at dusk, rinsing teacups beneath warm water, pinning linen to the line before supper, returning once more to the life she has chosen even after the mood to do so has drifted out to sea.

I think many of us were taught to look for dramatic evidence of becoming. We wished to wake one morning entirely changed; suddenly organised, suddenly fearless, suddenly free from comparison, hesitation, distraction, and the strange little rebellions of the spirit that leave half-finished projects strewn about like abandoned ribbons after a fête.

Yet I have begun to suspect that a woman alters herself in much quieter ways than this.

Not through performance; through returning.

There is something rather sacred in the woman who continues gently onward without requiring each day to feel enchanted before she begins it. She rises; she tends what belongs to her; she keeps a few small promises; she places one foot before the other even whilst the heart remains soft and uncertain. In time, these tiny repeated acts begin gathering about her like threads upon a loom until at last a life appears where once there had only been longing.

I have noticed, too, that comparison loses much of its authority once a woman becomes occupied with the keeping of her own little world. One cannot simultaneously tend the roses and continually count another lady’s blooms across the hedge; eventually, the hands choose where they shall remain.

Perhaps this is why I no longer wish to build my days around sudden bursts of inspiration alone, lovely though they may be. Inspiration is a charming visitor; steadfastness keeps the hearth warm through winter.

And so lately I have been teaching myself a gentler form of devotion; not harsh discipline, not punishment, not the endless scolding of one’s own nature, but a quieter constancy. A return. An appearance. One honest offering placed upon the day before sunset.

Perhaps devotion reveals itself in smaller ways than we once imagined; in the reel quietly filmed though no grand wave of inspiration arrived beforehand, in the page written whilst certainty still lingered somewhere beyond the horizon, in the garden watered despite no eyes admiring it, and in the faithful lighting of the lamp simply because evening had come at last.

There is, I think, a hidden dignity in such things.

The world often speaks of strength as though it must harden a woman in order to prove itself real, yet I have found the opposite to be true. Some women grow softer as they become strong. Their voices lower; their movements steady; they cease performing urgency and begin inhabiting their own lives fully at last.

I should like to become one of them.

And perhaps, my dears, that is all steadfastness truly is; not the dramatic reinvention of the self, but the quiet faithful returning to what one loves long after applause, mood, and novelty have wandered elsewhere.

Most affably yours 'til my next enchanting swim, LR

The Art of Maintaining Victorian Correspondence

Good morning, my darlings,

Did you make a cup of tea? I made my very first Victoria Sponge Cake. I cleaned out a pretty ol' flower tin and lined it with wax paper for the leftover bits of cake, as, according to the chef for The Queen, that is what one does with the uneaten bits.

I thoroughly love the art of letter writing. As early as I can recall, being a young girl capable of holding a writing instrument (pencil), I diligently worked to master not only my penmanship but also letter writing. The art of letter writing has kept me in good stead for life as my soul led me quite early on once captured. Once, whilst in my thirties, I made the New Year's resolution to write five letters to friends weekly for an entire year. I never missed it once. Of all five ladies, with the exclusion of one friend, correspondence was not reciprocated. To this day, I still cherish those letters from my friend Debby. I have letters and cards stored away in my father's smithy saved from childhood.
My darling, dear reader and friend, as you know, I created {Raquel's Letterbox in-the-Hedge}, which you can find here and write to me. Feel free to write whatever you'd like to your heart's content. You can ask me questions if you'd like or send me whatever you feel inspired to. I constructed this particular notion as another way to reflect on times gone by. I look upon the Victorian era as best as I can and strive to impart my thoughts and findings to you, dear heart. I believe quite strongly there are many women similar to me (perhaps not as daring and adventurous) regarding the Victorian way of life in general but with particular subjects like letter writing, most definitely. I have been fascinated with the Victorian era since childhood. I love imparting my knowledge and discoveries. My concept of hearkening baxk to the good ol' days of letter writing will attract my kind of woman, a like-minded sort. I have been working most diligently these last several years to embark on my way of life as a Victorian, through living as much as i can daily as a Victorian. Many challenges arise.

One of those things is that it is relatively rare for many to share the same obsession with Victorian living as I do. I am not upset or disillusioned by this notion; far be it, i have concluded that it sets me apart from others. Conceivably, my silver lining, darling. Do not be under the impression I am putting on airs and that I do not understand that everything is never what it seems. The dynamics of one's life are full of mystery, is it not? We are in a constant state of growth. We as women are so full of possibility and wonderment, and I immensely admire that about us; we are individually so very unique. Whereas i am making great strides to learn historically all i can and then to incorporate those bits into my real life, it is an ongoing voyage and always will be.

This concept of letter writing is in hopes that it will attract my kind of folks. Throughout these past few years, i have endeavoured to create a little Victorian society of a bygone era where women and young women alike can bond over old-fashioned notions. In 2019, when my dear boy transitioned, I decided to dive even more deeply into living as Victorian as possible. That began with my clothing and wearing a corset. Now, mind you, it was not an overnight process once I decided to embark on this ongoing venture. Even more so, my findings have been that there aren't too many other souls that I have met or learned of that are quite so smitten to the degree I am. I do understand that many folks like the idea of an old-fashioned life; however, when it truly comes to the bits and bobs of such a life (with exceptions, of course), I have found they like to decorate and, on occasion, wear some collected Victorian period clothing to a tea party for example. Other than that, they turn their nose to the notion of actually attempting to live like a Victorian.

Now, as I have shared previously, if you were to pop in to visit me at my little Scarlette Rose cottage, the illusion may break your heart. I say this because as much as i do have an old icebox and lanterns for lighting, i currently have to use a hot plate, as i haven't saved enough financially yet to afford my 19th-century wood-burning stove. The one I've been eyeing is well over 6000 dollars. Nor have I yet to save the funds for the exterior stone or thatching to envelop the cottage, and the outhouse requires a 3000-dollar commode. I have to follow a specific code for an outhouse configuration. I will get there eventually, though, don’t you worry? All is well, and when i do, i will invite you to tea. However, i do not allow any of those sorts of drawbacks to waiver me in my desires, for what would the fun of life be if we had everything at a moment's notice? In truth, we would be as bored as one could be.
Our world is based on gravitational pull. Furthermore, our dear little hearts couldn't take things in an instantaneous manner.

Inherently, our lives are achieved by softly falling into place with ease and delight. The ticket is to learn to embrace this notion, which is not as easy to acquire for most folks. I am creating a sweet bequest of a Victorian english cottage. I am an American, although I moved to Europe when I was six weeks old. My father was in the war. I always think that living in Europe at such a young age significantly impacted my psyche. Call me mad; however, my mum is right mad for English too and has always been since I can remember drawing breath.

I am currently sitting in my parlour (makeshift sewing area) with kerosene light all aglow. All the world is quiet. I have a hot cup of Fortnum and Mason tea as I write to you. I enjoy handwriting the post for the blog and then transcribing it onto the computer. It suits me well, and there's something about (and scientific proof it relates to the brain of connection) when we physically write. I think the actual writing of the hand and stringing words together sounds lovelier than merely typing onto a screen anyway.
Many hearts have stood broken upon visiting Tasha Tudor Little Corgi Cottage. I have heard many women declare they lost the fantasy of illusion upon discovering that Tasha Tudor had a little modern kitchen off the back of her home for appliances. First, one must understand that the art of becoming a Victorian woman is not instantaneous, just as in real life; there are seasons and gestational periods; nothing happens overnight. In this manner, I look very forward to daily visits to the post-awaiting keenly. I am faintly dissatisfied with the modern envelopes these days; hence, when I send you letters in return, I must ask the post to hand cancel each letter as thee' ol' wax and seal will not go through the machine. Have a lovely day, and i look forward to hearing from you.

Most affably yours til my next swim, Razz

How Not Being Able To Dress Like Laura Ingalls Wilder {Old~Fashioned} Became One More Reason I Swam Away From Marriage

Little gloves for the foxes and fey.
Image courtesy archives of painter  Samuel McLoy {1831~1904} 

Happy spring to you! The cottage is all warm, I have some tea on my serving tray, the chickens roam the garden, and the smell of confederate jasmine permeates the air.

Starting From The Shoreline Again {When You Are Starting Your Life Over}

Hello there Mermaid Junkies,

I hope you're doing well. I wanted to share with you a few TTT {Treasure Trove Tips} that may be of some value to you.

As you guys know, if you're an avid fan of my youtube channel, You know that after my divorce I literally walked away with not one red cent. Not alimony, no money of any sort. The only thing I had was my car that's been paid for over a decade that was in my name {which I got 4 months down the road when the divorce was final}, and the two suitcases full of the things I could take with the weight restrictions onto the airplane. So when I say I literally am starting from scratch, that means literally from scratch.

I will say that because I was living the Law of Attraction, I was very resourceful and I had been a frugal woman all of my life. So I was able to manifest things rather quickly, and that even meant manifesting the money for my airline ticket, and money to pay for my own phone and new cell phone account that I wanted to be put in my own name. Things like that, if you may be specifically wondering.

I am sharing all of this with you; the nitty-gritty details. Because if there's one thing that has always annoyed me is that women talk about their journeys of pulling themselves from the ash, and so often they never tell you about the details. Like, "oh, so you started from scratch, but you still to this day have alimony from an ex every month. Or you got a payout from the ex, or you got the house in the divorce that was completely paid for." That to me, no offense, is not as much of a struggle. Does that make sense? I am not trying to make light of anyone's struggles, but I am just keeping the line of transparency open here on my blog. You guys know I'm one to tell it like I see it. I also want to clarify that I am a woman that is supportive of other women, but I am a woman that expects pure honesty and authenticity. If women aren't super transparent it gives other women that sense of insecurity of feeling like, "Oh man, I cant do what she did. What's wrong with me?" That's all I'm saying. I have been disillusioned by several women in this manner, and I will not do that to you, my readers.

Okay. Okay.

Now back to this post. I wanted to share with you if you happen to be truly working from the shoreline to recreate a life for yourself, I wanted to give you a few tips on how to keep and maintain a few little luxuries while you are starting over.

Because you guys, let's be honest. When we're truly beginning again there are things like wearing makeup, or actually the basics of what to wash your face with, hair color maintenance, buying the normal things like a nice smelling candle to keep you happy to some degree, still dressing cute, or what if you don't have health insurance or dental insurance. What the crap are you supposed to do? I'll tell you. I am going to share with you what I did, in hopes that it might help to serve you if you are in that place right now. In future posts, I'll break down exactly what you can do if you are lucky enough to have your children with you, and are starting over. For instance, housing and support financially from the government {if you live in the USA}.

I know this is not what many want to address or talk about. We often times want to see the pretty flowery stuff in life. I am very much this way on a daily basis, but guys, we all have shit that hits the fan in life. I want to be that voice of inspiration when it does happen, and still inspire women for the pretty stuff as well, once we get back into the flow of joy.

Okay, so my housing was the blessings of having parents that were open and kind enough to let me stay with them. They also provided me with food. So yes, that's two huge things that I instantly had that I am so very appreciative of. I didn't have a bedroom to stay in so I slept on my parent's couch. I was going through a difficult time with not having my children with me. I had no sadness about my divorce, as I am the one that paid for it, wanted it and was super happy about that aspect. The ex wouldn't allow me to take my children, which would have been the two youngest {Zoë Kennedy and Brooker}. I let my children decide what they wanted to do since they were old enough and they wanted to graduate from the school they were enrolled at. They had moved so much, I understood completely why they wouldn't want to move again for the twenty-third time. I was not going to do that to my children. Too often women become vindictive and use their children as collateral to hurt the ex-husband. That my friends will bite you in the ass. Do not use your children to get back at someone, ever.

Now onto the things I was experiencing once I was settled with my parents. Only having the little money that I was able to earn through cleaning a relatives house, a painting job, and some organizing, I used to buy necessities. I did not go on clothes shopping sprees or out to dinner or leisure stuff. The pure basic necessities. My extended family was super generous in that way. I always worked for the money though. I didn't lay on my parent's couch expecting a handout because I was a soon to be a divorcee.

💦So when It was time to color my hair and cut my hair. I cut it myself. I had learned some tricks from my sister in law and I knew that if I needed to I could simply use some scissors from Sally's beauty supply and cut a basic line. No layers, just cutting the dead ends off. For the hair coloring, I went to the nearest Sally's Beauty Supply and bought the color that matched the best. I watched a youtube video on how to color my hair myself. Scissors were $9.59 {with beauty club card} at Sally's Beauty Supply, hair color Clairol $6.29 {with beauty club card}, tint brush 1.99 {with beauty club card}and hair mixing bowl $2.29 {with beauty club card}, developer $3.69 {with beauty club card}. The developer will last almost a year for the 16 0z.

💦My makeup consisted of drugstore makeup and actually still does to this day. I use Covergirl powder,  Cover Girl Neutralizer as a concealer, and lip pencil in "Mocha or "Real Red", Loreal mascara Brown/Black, Burts Bees lip shimmer in caramel. I also use the Burts Bees lip shimmer in cherry when I want a red lip.

💦Instead of using all the expensive facial washes I use ivory bar soap and Neutrogena fragrance-free lotion as a moisturizer. If I ever get a pimple, which rarely, if ever happens I use Melaleuca dōTerra essential oil. My dōTerra oils are going to be a whole other post, as I have a lot to share with you about them and it's going to call for a whole lot of information. Essential oils are my health care plan.😂

💦I use the Dollar Tree candles in fresh linen below even to this day. If you are like me, you love your surroundings to smell nice. I am a big fan of candles and have been since a girl. I have tried hundreds. I used to be obsessed with the gardenia candles from Martha Stewarts line at Kmart. That tells you how long I've been burning and experimenting with candles. My mom taught me all about candles and I used to sell candles for Salt City Candles and Partylite. I know. I am showing my age. Hehh...

I think those are the tips I'll share for today, even though I have a ton more. I'll be sure to keep creating posts for TTT {Treasure Trove Tips Tuesday}.

I hope this served you and be mindful that no matter where you are in your transformational tale, I am right here with you. Everything is gonna be alright I promise.

Yours til my next swim, Raquel