Fleeting Glimpses Of My Week

        WEBSITE IS UNDER REVISION

My dear friends,

I awoke this morning in the early hours to write. I fully embrace those early dew filled mornings where all the world is quiet, and I can hear the whisperings of God's in the written word. I feel those times of early are when I'm most attuned to know of my calling in life as a writer. I have been feeling the flow of writing for my blog and my latest novel, and I have to say I feel like it's a breath of fresh air to my spirit.

A sense of peace and internal connection with my soul's purpose has very much filled my capacities, and I confess that it has made my heart sing glad tidings.

My videos on my channel have been such fun to create. In the past few weeks, I have been attempting to vlog little stories of my days at the cottage. I'm not very good yet, but I'm not letting my inability to know how to construct something keep me from my life's journey, or my message.

 I am so pleased to announce that I found a lovely little company in England that will be making my bone china teapots and teacups. I'm in the embryonic stage of designs, but just to see the actual mockup shapes of the teapot and cups I chose in photos excites me beyond anything. I just had to share them with you, my dear friends. Do you like shapes?

Saying yes to life and to the things I love doing has become my new motto. To jump in feet first, that's the Mermaid inside of me. {heh} If we sit on an idea or a thought about something we'd love to do in life, we waste away our joy and happiness. Oh my, what fun we could be experiencing if we will only embrace all of life while here on this grand journey.

Jeffrey has been home for a week now, and he's settled back into his routine. He has to be careful not to exert himself too much, and I can see massive changes in his countenance, as well as his fierce desire for life, has returned with a vengeance. I am so happy for him and so proud of him. He quite an exceptional human being and I wake up every day knowing that our souls were destined to unite. I see every day that I am blessed to spend my life with him. Each day is a day that I treasure.

Jeffrey had a scare a few years back, and we haven't ever spoken of it publically. He went for a routine check~up, and they found that he had the makings of what looked to be the early stages of Prostate Cancer. Jeffrey is a gardener, and one of his long-term clients was the founder of the Moffit centre.  Having learned of Jeffrey's diagnosis he was so kind by giving Jeffrey an experimental treatment to see if it would disappear. It worked, but now it's more clear as to why I am very appreciative for my time with Jeffrey and feel alert if something in his health fails or causes us concern.

I don't often gush about Jeffrey, but when I do you know about it. In my world, he hung the moon and all the stars combined. {smile} I remember there was a time in my life that he was a mere dream I had conjured up as a young girl.

A lovely gifted photograph from my dear friend Bridgette on the beach in Cornwall. The location of the PBS series Poldark.

We spend all of our time together while he's not at his employment and I dream of the coming days where he'll be able to stay home with me for always. I know he desires that as well. We got a taste of togetherness while he was in the hospital and then back at the cottage. We dreaded the day of his return to his job. It's vital for our relationship that we spend time with our mates without requirements. I know it's nice to have time to oneself, but to have a genuinely connected bond with another, time is all we have. I intend to spend all of my time wisely. I speak on this theme, as I fully comprehend what my life was like in my previous marriage. We were glorified roommates if that. It's pertinent to be at one with the person you are intertwined with. What's the point of being in a marriage if you are just there out of convenience? I'd rather be alone. I felt an incredibly empty feeling of emotional anguish. I do recognize that it was partly to do with not fully embracing and loving myself wholly, but then the absence of connection in my marriage made it much more potent of a forlorn agony.

Isn't that how life is my dear friends? We have those little dreams from sparks of imagination as young children. But as we grow life takes over, and we soon become aware life has slipped from our delicate fingertips and those dreams we had as young little girls have filed away beneath the rubble debris of our stagnated dreams. So we conclude by convincing ourselves that is " the way life is, and we should just learn to get along."

I want to stimulate you in your thoughts on the matter. If that is the matter at hand in your mind, I implore you to not accept It. Don't become down in the mouth by feeling like it's too late for your dreams to come true. It's never too late, my dears.

Among other things, I have been working diligently behind the scenes with my new blog appearance. I still love the look of this blog header, but i felt it was time to change it up a bit with regards to a hosting program and layout. I am still not paying an individual to create my blog, but I would love too as It's surely maddening. I am the creative type, and I don't particularly care for technical things like code and the sorts. It clearly puts me in a fuss, and It takes me days if not weeks to recover from the frustration. I struggle with the decision to allow the Universe to find a solution for me, instead of me doing it all myself. Perhaps, as I am writing this, I should put out the intention that I would love to have someone do that part of the website for me. I teach about mindset, and maybe that's where my mindset needs to change and evolve. I am so used to doing everything myself that I have perhaps shut off my flow of allowing others to support and help me.

Are you like that? I know when I was a young mother, I was very much like that. I would never dare to ask another for help. I felt if I couldn't do it all myself and make it look effortless, I was somehow a failure. I think many young mothers that are raised in the South still abide by this rule of thumb. We are conditioned to believe that because our mothers did it with ease, we should too. By the way, I still think we have the exceptional capacity to do much more than we think we can. It's confidence in knowing we can do it, but that doesn't mean we have to do it to feel that we are a complete person.

The calendar says fall and is imposing himself here on the coast, and yet it feels not a bit at all like a change in season. I am zealous to return to Califonia, as the climate is just sufficient to evoke feelings of subtle temperature change. I often reminisce when living there, no need for the air conditioner, and I simply adored the winter. To walk into the garden and gather firewood for our wood-burning fireplace. There's something heavenly to sit in front of the fireplace and sip pumpkin-spiced tea while listening to the crackles of a balsam fire. I loved to sit upon the hearth and sketch by the amber filled light. The Outlands has seven fireplaces dispersed among the mansion, and I dream of the day I will build fires in each one.

I'll leave you with another image of The Outlands and wish you a wonderful new week ahead. Today is my dear Jeffrey's Birthday, so I want to celebrate with him.

Most affably yours til my next swim, Raquelxxx

A Victorian Halloween

My dear friends,

Won't you pour some tea and let us sit a spell? I'm making some lemon verbena tea with honey and having a few cookies. The gardener is home with bronchitis and the flu; consequently, I am striving to stay hydrated. Did you know that the law of attraction is much like what Christians call faith? I remember being a little girl, and my momma would always say, " Raquel don't own that sickness, honey." I liken the Law of Attraction similarly. My mother taught me as a little girl, without her recognising that she was teaching me energetic vibration. If we think something continuously, we will ultimately create that "thing." We create our reality. I am also drenching myself in essential oils and keeping a good bill of health. The doctor musn't become sick. {wink, wink}

A Chapter In My Story And A Cordial Invitation

Hello lovelies,

As I was contemplating my newest post I was in quite the tizzy deciding on where to start our lovely little conversation. Perhaps, a cup of tea and then we shall commence. I must get on with it, as I have a mouthful of pleasantries to discuss with you. I am readily one to go on about things so I will now begin.  What are you choosing to sip today? I am having some lavender and rose. We have the sweetest little shop called Abby's here in Tampa that is owned by a darling little 90-year-old lady. You guessed it, her name is Abigail, Abby for short. She has spent her whole life caring and serving others by providing healthy holistic items for the community. Its an experience to go there. My BG {Beloved Gardener } and I will spend hours in there rummaging and finding darling treasures to bring home to the cottage. It's like a little field trip on every outing.

I have so many lovely ideas swirling in my little MerryMaid mind. I want to truly begin implementing into this blog of all things that are beautiful, whimsical accouterments, ideas aplenty and to inspire us each to be ever learning something new for our lives, or to have moments of clarity with perhaps a great internal dilemma that once plagued our mind with misunderstanding. I want you to eagerly swim to this beautiful blog as it will become a restful place for your soul to land. I want your heart to feel true that once you've landed here you are embraced and loved. I want you to have a tiny escape from the realist approach to life. I do truly love to teach women to create a life of love and I am finding through my hidden treasure within that I do believe there's an in-between amplitude. One where I can inspire you and also create a dwelling of fairytale life in order for us to be able to transition and transform in a graceful, exuberant and aw inspiring way. However that looks for you I know it will be most delightful, and I so very much want to be apart of your voyage, may I?

I want us to share as women. As I've been on my own voyage, I have often pondered on the time when I was in a dark and pivotal moment of sadness and pain. I looked above the surface and swam deep into the depths and I couldn't find anyone there. It was a travesty in my soul. It was a gutwrenching place to be, but one now that I see was quite necessary. For how else would I understand you and fellow lovely women were it not for my own personal experience. I was literally all alone in this enormous all-encompassing world. As I have been able to resurface and love myself through I vowed within that I wanted to create a special little dwelling where women are loved, accepted with no boundaries, feel a sense of community and most importantly an unconditional love that exceeds this life in incomprehensible ways. I would love to be that small 'channel' along with you on your beautiful fairytale voyage.

I am so fortunate and feel so extraordinarily joyful that I am the person I am today. I'm cultivating, flourishing, fostering and welcoming with the wonderment of my very own particular old-fashioned lifestyle, my experiences as a mother, a wife, homemaker, author, artist, and entrepreneur.

I wonder if I'm the only one through this voyage of a being published author and illustrator that I find it in many ways to have odd feelings when I am the one focused on front and center. I have always been the one in the background cheering on another in the front of me. As of late, I have found it quite interesting. I wake up and think to myself Raquel, this voyage is yours and yours alone. I'm so used to it always being about another, and I quite readily can't comprehend that on some days. It's a rather odd feeling to have. Do you feel such as I in that way? I am determined to get used to the idea of being front and center, and I should like to implore you too as well. We are all extraordinary women, each and every single one of us. Let us celebrate that with elegance and a sense of bold self-approval.

I think so often times in our lives, or should I speak for myself that I would slowly navigate to transform into someone else. I'm not quite sure if it's because for so long I didn't love myself, so as an artist I created fairytales and I reinvented myself so often as a way to escape my own unpleasant life. I thought perhaps being someone else would ease the blow for me. I also have contemplated whether that's the way a child learns to cope when tragedy, heartache, pain, violence and all manner of discord surrounds them. I accept that and now I am able to focus my thoughts upon other lovely particulars. Dwelling in such affairs are not good when it comes to matters of the heart. I have learned that especially by living the law of attraction. Why must we watch the awful news, terrible stories, television programs that bring literally no relief? The thing that each of these activities brings to us is simply to see and stay focused on disharmony and negativity.

When I was a religious woman we were exhorted to not watch and visit this manner of things as it was considered ungodly. Whereas I am not a religious woman any longer, I don't see it much differently than someone that is on a spiritual voyage living the law of attraction. I have just reidentified the title is all. I think it's readily apparent in similarities if one can adjust and follow their heart with regards to the understanding and unconditional love for others.

It sounds perhaps odd in a way, but I often tend to believe that I'm not so different than many other women. We are all so very different but so very much alike. It's quite the oxymoron, don't you agree?

As of late, I have continued to transform into the even more loveliest and beautiful mermaid siren that I've always known was deep within me; just a little buried like a wonderful worn old treasure at the bottom of a ship wreckage from centuries past.

I love to relate my life to that of a Mermaid Siren as I feel so connected to the mystery and seriousness of a sultry siren. Doesn't it create a sense of wonderment? I surely think so.

How often we as women have or currently do compare ourselves to other women. I think it's a natural conditioned idea that I am so appreciative to no longer indulge in.

It has never made for a sense of internal happiness and bliss for me as I know why. I am none of the other women. Even though I am an author and an Illustrator, I tend to do many things that seem similar in some ways to other writers and artists, but I am nothing like them in so many other ways.

For many years I would think that something was wrong with me. Whether it was because I had an abrasive way about me as a mother, I have never liked really feminine things such as baby pink curtains and flowery comforters. I don't as readily enjoy frilly adornments in my cottage either. I no longer apologize for my likes and dislikes. I am very much able to appreciate others for their tastes and separate the unlikeliness for myself and that feels especially fulfilling. I happen to love mystery, oddities, and very dark and serious design. I'm not sure it would be called seriousness, but what I mean to say is that I very much like primitive and Victorian. The primitive as it humbles the Victorian in a way of not feeling stiff and oppressive.

Perhaps it's my age, I'm not quite sure, neither do I date myself. I truly believe age is just a number, and I can and will continually spend my earthly days creating the storylike fairytale scenarios in my mind as a way of allowing and following my heart each and every day.

I should hope you will too.

I was reminded yesterday to not look at my peers, but to study the greats. I really loved that piece of advice. I do indeed follow the great which is Beatrix Potter. Cant you tell, I have an affinity for the lovely Beatrix Potter. My storybook is set to release on her birthday July 28,2018.

So much so I have emulated many things she did and I intend to even more throughout my tale of being a writer and illustrator.

I wanted to peak your interest in my next post which will be all about how my process is coming along with my children's storybook. I've been diligently working away at a large sponsorship proposal for The Tale of Merrymaid Scarlette Rose book tour, photoshoots and diligently working away at my photography skills and flat lays.

I suppose it's high time I get to chatting it up with you as to what's happening here at the cottage and my process for my self-published book.

We are indeed friends, are we not?

What are your happenings this week?

A Mermaid Metaphor Of Endurance And The Law Of Attraction~No Grit No Pearl

Hello there Mermaid Junkies,

I wanted to share a spiritual little mermaid metaphor with you that coincides with something that's been on my mind this week.

Won't you pour some tea and let's have a visit? I'm having my Mermaid Spinach Seaweed lemonade today, Would You like the recipe?

I was talking with my Beloved Gardener a few days ago and we were discussing the topic of work ethic and whether or not we instilled a work ethic into our children at young ages. The debate was whether or not our children actually have a great work ethic now as adults. We both had parents that really knew the power of hard work and why work experience teaches. They taught us very well and in turn, I think we taught our children also.

I know for me personally, All 4 of my children have had jobs since they were 15. I made sure of it. I never gave them the alternative of going to college or work. If they wanted college they were going to have to pay for it themselves or get a scholarship. In the process, they also needed to keep a paying job. I have always been the kind of mother that does not give handouts, nor loan my children money or anything of that nature. In my opinion, it creates an entitled child that doesn't understand the value of things or sacrifice. Let me give you a scenario that I have seen play out time and time again. To give a child a car for turning a certain age or getting certain grades, watch how fast they wreck it, compared to making them earn the money to buy one of their own. You'll notice the one that has spent their own money will appreciate it and never take it for granted.

That conversation leads me to talk about my audition for Weeki Wachee Springs a little over two years ago. I had been a Weeki Wachee mermaid when I was 17, over 30 years. When I moved back to Florida in 2015 and newly on my own after filing for a divorce, I was thinking about working at Weeki Wachee Springs as a Mermaid again.

As you know I was doing it all on my own with no money or assets or anything from my ex, so I was at a financial low when I was first divorced, and at the time I also had a super negative limiting belief about my age. While trying to find my sea legs again, I was thinking of every possible alternative to turn an income to provide for myself.

They were having open auditions so I decided to go ahead and audition. Here's where the story gets interesting and it brought on a major subject of attention for me.

Let me set the stage. I have always through the years lead a super healthy lifestyle. I never had drunk alcohol or smoked or anything for my entire life. I've been a vegetarian for most of it, give or take a few chick-fi-let meals on and off through the years. I have also consistently worked out either jogging, weight lifting, or yoga. I am really healthy, and I proved to myself that all my living the good life really did pay off big dividends.

I went to the audition which is quite rigorous. The audition consists of swimming the length of four football fields in under eleven minutes, breath hold, underwater comfortability, gracefulness, interview skills, and a few other things.

Now, remember, The day I went to audition I was 45 years old at the time and the last audition I had was when I was 17. The park was filled with over 75 women/girls from ages 18 and up. There wasn't an age limit.

The biggest part of the audition is the swimming endurance of four football fields within the time limit. The reason they give this first is that it truly weeds out the ones that can't handle the endurance levels.

I want to preface something about the audition. I had not practiced for decades to be able to swim the four football fields and yet, I beat out over 75 girls. I know for me it was because of the many years I have worked consistently on my apnea skills, swimming endurance, practices and that I've been a really healthy person for my entire life. Many of those girls were in there early teens and they were falling out left and right. To give you an idea of how many actually made it through all the tests and got an interview was 12. I was among the 12. I didn't actually end up getting hired that day because I truly think I had a negative energetic vibration that I was too old for the job. I believe in Law of Attraction and I had been consistently holding that thought. If I were to have been sending out positive energy about my age, I would have gotten the job. I was overqualified and I knew it.

So all in all, I believe that its sort of like that old saying or analogy about the law of the harvest. Many times people can fake a lot of things, but when push comes to shove you can only go so far. We truly do reap what we've sewn.

I think the girls that didn't get the job as a mermaid, was because they didn't have endurance mentally nor physically. They wanted the job as a mermaid for the glitz and glamour of it all. They didn't think too much about how hard the training was going to be and that they weren't going to just automatically get to be called a mermaid and get the accolades right out of the gate.

I remember when I worked there when I was 17 and we would hire more mermaids, and because they didn't get to be "mermaids" right away, they'd either quit or get fired. They wanted the name of being a mermaid but didn't think about all the work and training it would take behind the scenes. I was a trainee for a year and a half before the public ever saw my face once.

My take-home value for this post is that it will always pay off to train in life by getting experience.

I used to have the limiting mindset as I'd see the rise of others and I didn't get it. I'd get pissed that someone else was climbing higher or faster than me. So in order to make myself feel better, I would think, "they got by on someone else's merits that's why they are succeeding, they know someone with a name of importance or someone used money to leverage them." They didn't work hard enough in my opinion. It'd drive me batshit crazy until I had that audition and I realized a profound thing. I had a paradigm shift that day.  I learned that it's all about the dip, meaning when it gets extremely difficult the game changers stay in the game. They don't stop when shit gets hard. They are working on those days when others are shopping or taking a day at the beach instead of training and practice. They go through the dip, and that's what separates the successful ones from the quitters. The other thing that I have realized is if we can change the conditioned limiting beliefs from childhood, we would realize were all successors.

Too often we just don't know it until we are put up against something that will determine our inner strength and grit. There may be people getting ahead and the ones that do, have earned it. We may not see their efforts, but we aren't with them every day either. no one stays on top forever unless they are constantly striving and allowing the universe to work in their favor. It has everything to do with our vibrational energy. If you line up your energy you will be among the top 10% of successful people also. The universe is in all our favor, and the only one stopping us from getting what we want is OURSELVES.

We all have the capacity to have all that we desire. It really has everything to do with the law of attraction. What are you vibrating at with regards to money or success?

Yours til my next swim, Raquel

Don't forget to sign up for my newsletter "The Current" The form is on the sidebar if you ex'd out of the pop-up.

Thank you so much for swimming by.

The Story Of How The Tale Of MerryMaid Scarlette Rose Came To Be- Part 1

Hello darlings,

How are you? I hope you're doing well.
Perhaps pour yourself a cup of tea and let's chat, shall we? My choice of tea for today is lavender and rose, just in case you wanted to know that{smile}.

 Today I thought I'd begin my little tale of how my storybook The Tale Of MerryMaid Scarlette Rose® came to be.

I'd also like to share with you some of the details. I think personally I love hearing the little-sorted increments of how other authors/illustrators created their dear gems.

I was marinating several things over the weekend in preparation to begin this series and it dawned on me how very much I am not privy to write or make things about myself. As I've worked on my business, author campaign, this blog, and putting myself out into the world as an author and illustrator I've realized how uncomfortable it has made me, it has been an adjustment for sure. I've never had particulars be about me per se, and it's taking some getting used to.

I have long been a writer. As a little girl, I've been creating little stories as far back as I can recall. I was the little red-head that wore long dresses and had pen pals in elementary school. My mother made sure I was fully equipped with writing utensils at all times. I even went many years in middle and high school where I wore a pencil in my hair because I was constantly jotting or sketching things.

In my about page you've read that I have loved Beatrix Potter since childhood. It's true... I also read the stories to my children all throughout their lives as well. There was something I found calming and charming about the stories. Honestly, they don't have a daunting amount of depth to them, and perhaps that's the adoring appeal. A story that's light-hearted but with also a bit of whimsy. Now that my friends is my cup of tea! I should like to stay determined to always live life with rose colored glasses on. I think that's the allure of children's fairytales, they take us to places in our imagination where dreaming is allowed, actually preferred.

After my divorce was final, and I was couch surfing at my parents, living out of my two suitcases, I had also brought my little palette of paints, 2 Walmart brushes, a pencil and an eraser. To this day, I keep them in my purse. They have become a bit of a comfort to me, like a lovely old familiar friend.

While I was married I had become so conditioned out of my belief in myself, having turned down a four-year art scholarship, and having put away painting for so long I had forgotten I could even draw much less paint.

I was in such a state of pain while going through my divorce, missing my children madly, and feeling like everyone was trying to tell me what they thought I should do, I took up walking. I would walk to the nearest waterhole where I'd dream and sketch.

I figured that if all the years of me telling my children that there is nothing they cannot be and that dreams do come true, I might take my own advice.

It takes a little time to actually gather one's style. I looked at the paintings of my favorite watercolorists and took some ideas from them and then kept reworking my images to look the way I liked. My paintings have an old world look to them, but also a look of solemn seriousness, and that pretty much describes me to a T. My painting style is very much my own. I am nowhere near where I desire to be, but I have learned not to ever wait on things. I have realized, I must be a doer, not a talker.

Nowadays, I'm not afraid to start anything. I go head first, even though I know I'll get lots of air bubbles and rise to the top over and over again, and I don't care one single bit. That's the only way we learn is to keep diving back into the water. That's what losing everything has taught me, to be fearless. Once you've literally lost everything, no one can take anything from you, not your dreams and especially not your talents. If you take nothing from this post but that, I feel I've done my job.

After setting up my new facebook page and new social media platforms, I tried to continuously put out little motivational sayings and quotes to inspire others, and I'll be completely honest, I did it for myself mostly at first. I was having to be my own cheerleader, so I needed all the positivity and happiness I could conjure up.

As time went on people would respond to some of my posts and say that I should write a story. I had never told anyone that I had longed to write stories since I was a little girl, so I took the compliments in stride. Throughout the next year, I started thinking, yeah I should write a book. I'd then set the dream aside because when I mentioned it to a few friends they actually weren't super supportive to me. They said things like, "You have to get a publishing company, how are you planning to do that? It's not easy to write books and actually have them sell, your art isn't good enough yet for a book. etc."

I was still so low in my self-worth journey at the time that I would become so frustrated at my struggles and say in my mind to hell with it. I knew deeply though that if I had enough faith I could probably do it, I let those thoughts marinate in my soul and began to dream about being an author but not telling anyone verbally anymore. They seemed to dampen my spirits and I just got plain sick and tired of it.  I have had decades of lacking self-confidence to weed through and build back up and it became daunting to think about a book. I'd once again lay the idea aside because to some degree I felt like it was out of reach. Once again, a running theme is that I'd listen to other people tell me I wasn't capable, and I listened to them.

Fast forward to about 6 months later and I'm once again suggested a video from Gary Vaynerchuk. Something he said that day made a light go off in my head and I haven't looked back since.

If you have ever seen Gary's videos, he straight up and has no quorums about telling it like it is. I had seen him about 3 years prior and immediately turned him off because, to be honest, I thought that he was an arrogant ass. Actually, he rubbed me majorly the wrong way. Today I know why this is. I had a victim mentality, and never in a million years would I have pegged myself for being a victim. In the back of my mind, I had an attitude of entitlement. The day I recognized this about myself was like the blinders fell from my eyes. I haven't been the same since and It's been the best gift that man, a stranger... has ever given me. I should like to shake his hand one day and thank him personally for setting me a foot on my journey as a children's published author.

To be cont'd...

A Mermaid's Work Ethic

Hello Mermaid Junkies, 

I hope you're doing well. 

I have a little confession to make to you. Apparently, from another's viewpoint, I really used to struggle with a work ethic. Not in the sense of doing what I love, because that to me isn't considered work really. I had always hated the idea of having to go out into the workforce and do something that I couldn't stand. 

Right before I moved from Oklahoma, I was feeling the pressure of going out and getting a "real job" as someone told me. 

So I decided to comply{once again doing what someone else wanted me too} and get a "real job." I decided that if I HAD to get a freaking job, I'd go to Anthropologie because at least there I would get a discount and I have loved Anthro since forever. 

Here's where the situation gets dicey. I want to explain the backstory about this. So let me back up a bit. I get going midbrain thought and tend to get ahead of myself. You know me.

When the decision was made without me, we had to leave my greatest love, California to move to where the work was. Never mind the fact that I wanted to stay in California forever. 

So I was already deeply wounded and resentful towards my ex, at the time. 

He had been fired from his television job in San Diego, and the only job he could get was a tv job from an old boss that used to be in Salt Lake, that was now in Oklahoma. Let's just say, the pay was almost nonexistent in comparison to how we used to live.

So in order to be in a "decent home (quote by my ex) and the kids in a good school system," I was going to have to make at least 300 dollars a month to add to the household income and make the rent. 

I was like, that's totally fine. I know how to make money. I could sell stuff that I make, paint little pictures, do some design jobs on the side, or my all time favorite... have some cool yard sales. That was my thought.

Well, that wasn't good enough apparently. I made almost 500 dollars in one weekend on my first garage sale. 

But here's the thing. When there is a communication gap in a marriage that is on its way to splitsville as it is, no one is hearing anyone.

Ya know what I mean. In order for me to technically support the household, I was expected to get a job like every other person because that's the way he did it. 

Too often, people put their mindset and rules onto another. 

That's what causes people to become disconnected. Because look, I was making up the difference, but because it wasn't me going to a place, clocking in and spending my time there, it wasn't good enough. 

P.S. Side note, when someone is miserable in their own life you can never bend over backwards enough. They will always find a way to make it about you and blame you. Just saying that you should know from my lips to your ears. You will never be enough. Oh and also I lasted at Anthropologie for a sum total of two weeks and my paycheck for all those hours was $109.00. I freaking HATED IT!!! So I quit!

I am a freedom seeker, and I was suffocating ya'll. In more ways than one, I might add. 

So now here we are in the present day, over three years later. I am still one to hate going to a 9~5 job, can't stand it and I will not do it. I'm working on this dream. I'm working hard. And I won't quit until I've achieved it. 

Come to find out, I've learned a few things about lil' ol' me, Raquel. Heres what I've learned and it has been a beautiful gift. 

I actually am a hard hard hard worker! I have a killer work ethic and I have been working my ass off day in and day out since before even Jeffrey and I met. Now, I don't clock into a job and work my day's wages, but I work hard none the less. I work at home, writing this blog, creating YouTube content, creating podcast content, work in my little cottage by doing projects, sell my little paintings on Etsy, sell things on Offer Up... and the list goes on. 

I am just like many women, probably just like you reading this. I am a mother that ran a whole household, kept a beautiful well working schedule, taught my children to work by instilling in them responsibility, self-awareness, and independence. Still managed to create a lovely little underwater world for them. Kept them shielded from the awfulness that was a fraudulent marriage. And yes, if I had to do it again, all over from scratch I sure the hell would. But do not ever say I don't have a good work ethic. I am the epitome of work ethic. Women nowadays... hell, even forever do not get the credit for raising great children. Being a stay at home mother is a thankless job. We are the dream makers. We are the ones that will change the world. So don't ever listen to someone spouting off at the mouth that you don't have a work ethic, or that you don't like to work. My ass...

It has made me stronger than ever. I am an all out BADASS Entrepreneur! I am actually proud of that ya'll. 

I can bet that you resonate with my story and that you are a badass too. Own that badassery ladies. You deserve it. I have faith and trust in you. I truly believe there is NOTHING, NOTTA, ZILCH that we as women can not do. 

I know in the midst of me creating a business, that its tough as shit. I'm not gonna lie. Any sane person would have given up by now. I work 14 plus hours, long into the night trying to understand dumb shit like Instagram stories, and how to get traffic to my blog, try to figure out why the hell my little paintings aren't selling on Etsy. No damn money coming in, and whats that telling me internally? I know it's my mindset, and I'm figuring that out. I still have some money beliefs that I must work on. But today I am happy that I have you to talk with. To go through this process together, and for you to see that I go through shit just like ya'll do. I want to go on this voyage/journey together. That we as a community can learn. 

Because if there's one thing that bites my ass in irritability, is when women don't share their life story. They always act like they have things figured out. That to me is clear as day BULLSHIT. Just be real people, is what I wanna say to their faces. ya feel me?

This is the stuff that keeps me up at 2 am in the morning ya'll.

So this post is a reminder to listen to your own heart, follow your own path and never listen to anyone except yourself. My motto for this year is a quote from Michael Phelps. 

"Stay in your own lane. keep swimming forward and don't worry about what everyone else is doing. Don't look over at other lanes." ~Michael Phelps

Meaning, don't look and compare yourself to other women! Period, don't do it. Because if you do, you'll soon be drowning in lack, feeling shitty and none of its true. So knock that crap out. muawhhhh...I'll see you beautiful Mersisters tomorrow.

Yours til my next swim, Raquel