Why Trust and Alignment IS Essential In A Mermaid’s Manifesting Tale

In my quest to remain current on the ensuing genre of writing; which is spirituality, I've seen a new "craze" occurrence on YouTube of spiritual LOA (Law of Attraction) teachers popping up everywhere. 

Rachel Hollis- Girl, You Should Apologize

[The day this news broke, I shared my heated feelings about it on my podcast. If you'd like to listen to that instead, here's the link. It's full of profanity, so consider yourself warned if you have a visceral reaction to cursing. Writing is more suited for me, so I wanted to share my thoughts about this in written form, and now that I've cooled down a bit, I was able to piece my words together like a normal human being. Smile.]

"The further a society drifts from the truth, the more it will hate those that speak it." 

I knew it. I saw this divorce coming several years ago. The New York Times best-selling author and Disney dad that everyone thought had the best marriage {except for me, apparently,} are, yes indeed, you guessed it, divorcing. All one would have to do is pay close attention to the added and amped up hugging, kissing photos, sweet talk, curated marital banter and fake pictures for social media to see this trainwreck coming head-on. Why do I know this so well, you ask? Because I also lived this type of marriage with my ex-ill suited mate. He was notorious for this type of behaviour. These folks care more about what the world thinks and sees than what is truth staring down the barrel. It's artificial. And whereas I don't have anger towards my ex-ill suited mate or Rachel Hollis at this juncture, I feel it's necessary to be blatantly open and transparent with my friends {aka readers}. It's also a way of being truthful with myself, which is essential to my well being and expansion. Rachel Hollis and a person such as my ex-ill suited mate, aren't going to give you the truth.  They are going to give you what they want you to see. I'm honest with folks, and even if that makes someone uncomfortable, I'm still going, to be honest. I'm not here to sugar coat a narrative for anyone. The emotional cost is too high, and I am surely not in the business of allowing myself to be silenced all for the sake of "thinking about others feelings." I have learned early on that mentality unequivocally does not work for me at all.

We can always look back and reflect on why some things trigger us and others do not. A lack of transparency from others has been in my craw for some time, and I'm sure it's still the residuals of my previous marriage. I'm moving past it, but I wanted to point out some variables to grow from this experience. You know me all too well, and one thing I'm always doing is leaning in on what everything in life is here to do, which is to teach us and help us grow, even when It's me being pissed about a random writer in Texas. 

I know some folks love Rachel Hollis; however, I do not. I am sure she's a delight; however, from my personal experience of chatting with her on numerous occasions, she came off a bit snobby and acted as if I was beneath her. That turned me a bit, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. My mum taught me manners. Many of the women who follow Rachel noticeably  {in my opinion} have low self-worth. What's in my craw is that Rachel preys on weak-minded women from backgrounds where It's not socially moral to be a confident woman. Rachel's demographic is similar to her fathers' Pentecostal congregation, which is fueled by feelings of superiority and that notion of " lean on me, as I'm a much better and smarter person than you. And you need me {and my books and seminars} to get to where it is that you're going mentality.” Here's what happens internally to these so-called fans. Women put too much importance on folks like Rachel Hollis by placing them on a pedestal which is further detrimental to their self-worth. Women do not need a woman like Rachel Hollis to achieve what they desire. They need to turn that love onto themselves and believe that they also have the same level of importance. If Rachel was confident herself and really intended to encourage women of their own self-importance and personal power, she would lift these women to all greater heights. It's the case of I'll lift you until I see you growing, but you can't grow more than me. The next time you notice this in another, take it as a warning. We all are a product of higher consciousness {God/Source} just like every human being in the world. No one stands superior to us.  Her books are specifically placed in the Christianity section of all bookstores. This is because most folks who act like they have all the self-worth and confidence in the world most often do not, and they can fool women of faith with that narrative. People with the lowest self-esteem have this pretend confidence and amplify it by appearing better than others and stand on moral high ground. Where most folks "get on" by thinking or acting as If they are better and have all of life figured out are actually the ones that have the least figured out. You know the old adage, " Those who scream the loudest have the most to hide." If two things get my goat, it is hypocrisy and inauthenticity. Rachel Hollis is these two things in a nutshell. Honestly, and how great of a writer is she if she spent an entire chapter {in an attempt to be relatable, in which she has now forfeitted} on how she passes gas and has bowel movements. {Someone posted that book excerpt on youtube.}That is not good writing. It's daft. 

We are never going to get all of life done and complete. This is not what Pentecostal preachers (Rachel's father) teach us.  They pretend they have all of life figured out, and now we common folk should come along for the ride. If we can see life like that, as never-ending and it's all a process that continually unfolds, we will be much happier people. We don't have to have everything figured out, and that's the sheer beauty of it all. We didn't come to get it done, but the world would have us think otherwise. Let us begin today by taking everyone off of the pedestal and begin looking inward. I suggest you place yourself on the pedestal.  

Whereas Rachel is liked and admired by many, she is like everyone else; and no respecter of persons.  It's time women start believing in their own power and abilities and stop thinking other women like Rachel Hollis are better, more knowledgeable and superior than them. This world is full of powerful women. I am going to spend my life in this service. I will inspire millions to know this for themselves too. We are all Mermaid Goddesses. 

I've got to be honest here. As I write this and edit, I've lost nearly all of my steam for this post. So I'll end it here with the most significant takeaway that I learned from this news. Which is that I now know I am going to write much better and more prolific books than Rachel Hollis. My books are authentic and transparent. I'm not going to placate an audience for the sheer desire of selling books. My books are honest and, most importantly, laced with self-confidence,  empowerment and practical tools for achieving all of life's desires. My books are joyful and optimistic. They are not downtrodden, off-putting, nor sewn with self-importance and inferiority. We must be reminded of our very own power. To lean on ourselves and our own Mermaid Inner Being and leave the rest. It also showed me where I stand vibrationally with my "so-called report card." I have grown massively from where I stood emotionally just a short time ago. Comparatively, I am growing by leaps and bounds, and truthfully that's what this whole earth life experience is for me, to expand. Trust yourself and make being happy your only intention. 

I would have really appreciated it if Rachel Hollis were to have simply stated her truth and took accountability. I think that's all folks have ever wanted.  Still, she didn't take that road. If she continues living in a cloud of mist, she will surely self sabotage her entire career full stop.   

Most affably yours til my next swim, Raquelxxx

Why I Had An Emotional Affair {And What All Affairs Mean, According To Me}

My dear friends,

Well, I'm going to assume that you clicked onto my post, strictly because of the title, am I right? I'm delighted! I mean to lead you into further inquiry. {smile}

As a writer/ blogger putting my life and personal experiences into the universe are something I take satisfaction in; if you want the truth. Because in my lil' humble opinion, all too often, I see folks continuously restrain. Now- that's not to say that, every blogger out there needs to spill their insides, however, let us be a little more forthright and transparent, shall we?

In my life, many have judged me for sharing much here on my blog {my family included}, even to go so far as to tell me, I should feel embarrassed for what I write. They think it's a betrayal and that I'm shedding a negative light on my family. I have no quorums about sharing my truth. That's what the writer does. Perhaps that portion is from my English heritage. One musn't ever divulge family affairs, however, I believe one might derive some benefit from it, and I wouldn't want to leave out any missing elements to my story.

Furthermore, I have the most positive feedback from women that tell me, they are so happy that I am sharing things that would otherwise be left unsaid. I wanted to preface, too, that I share for my healing, and expansion, as well as, give encouragement to other women that may have struggled, like me. It's never for salacious or cruel intentions; only for expansion and personal growth.

Now, let me have a go, shall I?

The emotional affair occurred in 2009. There were no sexual relations {cue the Bill Clinton tapes}, but it's an affair when you know intuitively you are sharing and becoming too close with another person at the expense of emotions and secrecy. Quite frankly, the incident was a guarantee, now that I've had years to reflect on it. I also think it's much more dangerous to have an emotional relationship than a strictly sexual one. Why? Because a woman becomes very attached to another with regards to her emotions.

I had been married at this point for 18 years. I was strict, by the Bible/Book of Mormon, type of woman. In fact, I had myself many times admonished my ex to be cautious of his actions with other women. I used to tell him, even the appearance of adultery is substandard. Let's be clear, here, I know that no matter what we as women do or say in a marriage, won't mean a thing if there is no respect. That means for ourselves, our partner or the union of marriage. If a man or woman is going to be a charlatan, they will find a way to do so. No amount of control will stop either of them.

My ex was in entertainment, so, needless to say, I was insecure from the get-go and then in addition to entertainment atop that, only spelt disaster. Not because of entertainment per se, but the lacking of self-worth on my part. My ex-husband has always been a flirtatious lad, {and later I would uncover that he was a philandering adulterer}. Ladies, if you start dating a man, and you have any sneaking suspicion that he may be the unfaithful kind, you should run for the hills. It'll only worsen as time proceeds.  But, then, hindsight is 20/20, isn't it? I ignored my instinct when my ex and I first got together. Red flags were waving all about, but I was blissed out and ignored them. I believe intuitively I knew we were ill-suited from the start. He was constant in his actions of hurting and disappointing me. Nowadays, though, I don't beat myself about the head; in fact, I actually thank the nasty bugger for his philandering ways. He facilitated my becoming strong and forthright. 

Read this post {here} That I wrote about mating with your own soul and emotional mirror reflection.

Mmmmkay, back to the subject at hand. What led up to my emotional affair? Years of emotional neglect, pure friendship, deceit, and built-up resentment, layered like bricks for decades. 

He was my ex-husband's friend for over a decade. They were in church movies together; mingling in the same crowd. He spent a lot of time with our family; and single. I adored him. He made me feel like I was a lovely person, and he also made me see things that truthfully I didn't want to see for a very long time. He was also very persuasive, and I was very naive.

Well, as luck would have it, my ex took a trip for work, in the middle of us moving into our newly purchased home, and suggested having his friend come to help me with house "stuff."


We had been friends for over a decade, and I appreciated the time he'd spend with me. He'd actually carry on a conversation with me; compliment me, by saying, I looked beautiful in my old skirts and liked all the things my husband was annoyed by. You might think it a disaster, however, It was the very thing I needed to feel alive again. I would have never started, were it not for the unhappiness, to begin with. That is the truth about affairs. Whether it's an actual sexual affair or an emotional one; if you are miserable, the only thing that you want to do in life is to find a way of feeling good. This person made me feel beautiful. I had breath in my lungs again.

That emotional affair was a blessing in disguise because it caused me to begin looking head-on at all of my issues in my own life and in my marriage. My marriage was never the same after that. I attempted to file for divorce, even moving out for six months. I then ended up moving to California, and, well, you know what happened after that. It all worked out in the end, as it solidified how much I desired to leave the marriage. This was a paramount decision; because things are always working out for us, even when it seems they aren't.

Looking back, after living through the experiences with my ex, he was continually circumventing. I have often wondered, too, if I allowed that to happen? You know that saying, " people treat you, the way you allow them too?" Yeah, that. I really do think so! I will say, too, and it may be difficult for some to read; however, I have come to the conclusion that it had to do with the "saviour" mentality. Do you know what this is? Let me explain. My mother exhibits this behaviour, I struggled with it, and many women struggle with it, that have grown up in abusive or alcoholic environments. Women cover for the addict, by continually making up the difference. It's a self-worth issue on the part of the "abusee". For example, {I'm speaking from experience when I was young}, my father would come home from work, get plastered, and then decide he was hungry. My mother was to wake up {regardless of the time} and make him food. I remember he was so angry after the meal was made, he threw the whole pot of food onto the floor. Who do you think cleaned that up, after my father passed out in his own piss? My mother did. But, who do you think comes off as the person to save the day? My mother. She can use the victim card to receive sympathy from others. Thus, all active participants are getting their natural human needs met, even though it's complete dysfunction, it works. I had to retrain myself out of this behaviour, and let me tell you; that when a person has control issues {kids of alcoholic parents}, it's not easy. I had to allow the mishaps to occur and let nature takes its course.

{I would also like to clarify that my momma reads my blog and she understands that to help other women such as ourselves we must share our stories. I adore my mother, and she has, too, like me, learned to have inner self-confidence, love and worth.}

So, for instance, once, when my ex was in a fit of rage, screamed at me because Subway put mayonnaise on his sub sandwich, he threw it against the wall, where it stuck. My little girl began trying to clean the mess, and that's when I lost my mind. That day, the straw broke the camels back. I was seeing the behaviour passed onto my child; through watching me. I began screaming, "over my dead body will anyone but my ex, clean that sub up!" I didn't care if the sub stayed on the wall for 6 months and we had guests coming over. I was ready to let him look like a fool.

Needless, to say, he cleaned the mess, as it was gone the next morning. Now- I know what you may be thinking here, Ummm... grrr...CRAZY TOWN! Yes, I know. I don't want you to feel alone if this is, or has, happened to you. The problem is that many want to escape through pretty, frilly things; but, when we get to the brass tacks, we can then begin to heal and move forward. I speak of this because I was this way myself. It doesn't have to be a negative thing to carry for the rest of our lives, and that's why I am sharing it, I feel as though, many women, if they knew why they did things {cover for their mate, or child, for instance}, they might be inspired to change. I genuinely believe that the universe allows experiences to come to us, not as a way of punishment, but as a way to encourage us to expansion. How else would I have learned? We learn through life experience, that's the only way. I am so appreciative for my lessons, always. It's just a matter of shifting our focus to see all the occurrences with beauty and look at them with a heart of appreciation, instead of, being oppressed by a "God" that most humans deem vengeful. That is not who my or your God/Source is. AT ALL!

" I dwell in possibility." ~Emily Dickinson

Yep, I carried that rescue mentality with me into my marriage with my ex. He would act slow-witted, and because I was embarrassed and had low-self esteem, I would make excuses for him. It's an exciting scenario, when we allow others, even those we love very much, to take responsibility for their own lives. Amazing things happen. I believe that we, as women, must genuinely work to become self-sufficient and self-confident. That is our sole purpose; to fall, completely and madly in love with ourselves.

And when this self-love transformation occurs within us, women like myself won't need to have some man tell us we're lovely, and pretty, because we'll already KNOW!


Most affably yours til my next swim, Raquelxxx