Friday, March 22, 2019

How Not Being Able To Dress Like Laura Ingalls Wilder {Old~Fashioned} Became One More Reason I Swam Away From Marriage

Little gloves for the foxes and fey.
Image courtesy archives of painter  Samuel McLoy {1831~1904} 

Happy spring to you! The cottage is all warm, I have some tea on my serving tray, the chickens roam the garden, and the smell of confederate jasmine permeates the air.

 
I have been reluctant to speak in-depth about my divorce; however, I have become aware that sharing my story of truth is essential in maintaining authenticity and transparency here on my blog. Therefore, I will find a way of discussion, explanation and clarity whilst also sending forth grace. 

When I was a wee little girl, I wore dresses every day. Initially, as an act of modesty became a way of life by deliberate choice. I have always felt more at home in a dress. My mission and goal with my blog are to lend others a bed of softness to land. Oh my, this shall indeed be a place of community enveloped with love, acceptance and learning. 

I am not a person that believes a perfectly curated life is natural; there is becoming. Many know of our dear ol' Tasha Tudor and how lovely her life seemed; indeed, I have no doubts about her imaginative nature in fulfilling such endeavours. However, Tasha's desire to remain private created want to showcase how a life of artistry, lifestyle and authorship sets off. Tasha's admiration for her artistry is undoubtedly a fact, but I think people loved her lifestyle with equal facility. So I have been on a lifelong quest to pull back the curtains. Now I shall get on with this remaining post. 

One balmy August, the summer of 1986, I stayed a spell with a dear cousin of mine. She was ten years my senior, and I admired her immensely. She has since transitioned, but I still converse with her in spirit.

I wanted to spend time with her, as I had done so many times throughout my childhood, and this was to be one last summer of cheering excitement as I was to enter high school at summers end. Sybrena had a sophisticated sense of style, never wore anything that wasn't heavily starched/ironed, and always smelt of Private Collection. She reminded me of Ms Tiggy Winkles on wash day. 

My father's construction business was thriving at the time, and he handed me off several thousand dollars for school clothes shopping. Sybrena hatched a plan to cart me off to the local mall, fully intending to perform (in her opinion and others too) a much-needed makeover on me. The Limited was her favourite store in the mall. Do you remember back then they had an entire line called "Outback Red"? Well, that day, Sybrena branded me that signature look. I will give her distinction for I made best-dressed in my yearbook two years consecutively. We also collected new cosmetics and then to the hairdresser for a bobbed haircut. 

I was thrilled to bits to be dappled with such attention. The thought crossed my jovial mind that this was to be a new life for me. No one knew I had all manner of insecurities, and my new look was indeed to bring about a confident young lady, a country mile from that homely girl just two months prior.

For several years although I appeared to be confident, clever with a cheery disposition, I would come back around the bend to reveal that same shy, insecure girl. 
You see what happens, and I learned this over time: even though you get a makeover, you're still that same person inside. If you do not change the foundational beliefs about yourself, it will not maintain itself.  I suppose I'm a slow learner, for it took me over two decades to realise this truth. 
I know that how I wasn't allowed to dress was not the sole reason for my divorce, nor is that a literal statement, but it was a significant contributing factor. All big things precede more minor things. Altogether, it was those little moments of someone in my ear constantly dismantling my spirit over time. The layers build upon each other, and before I was fully aware, I felt entirely like a shell of the person I remember.

I could bang on about all of the detrimental moments that wore me down over time, but I'll not muddy the waters. I didn't love myself, and therefore my ex ill-suited mate could not love me either. He didn't love himself, so why did I expect him to give me what he did not alone possess. Once I learned to love myself, the world followed suit. 





14 comments:

  1. Your floral photos (last post too) are absolutely stunning! Sounds like our exes would get along exquisitely! Mine once quit talking to me for two weeks because I cut my hair shoulder length. (I was supposed to keep it quite long.) It was like fly paper - as soon as you free one foot, an arm was stuck. Blek! So glad to be free of that.
    Also, from yesterday's post, you mentioned Victoria and Tea Time ( familiar with both😉) did you ever get Victorian Decorating and Lifestyles? It had more to read than the others and was a favorite. A friend who has since passed and I would pour over them and chit chat about the particulars. I miss both her and the magazine.

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    1. Are kidding me! That is quite the humourous notion nowadays to think of such a silly nature from the exes. I couldn't agree with you more. It did seem to be an ongoing conundrum at the time. I am happy to be away from that, and I now can say I hope that he finds peace, because I know I surely have. Thank you for the compliment on the photos. I am attempting to put prettier photos on my blog, as that was one little stitch as to why a magazine said that my photography skills needed to improve, so out i have finally brought my {big } Nikon camera. I thought I should start working very deeply with learning my camera off of the auto mode. It has been a bit of a struggle for me in some aspects,but I know I can now feel confident enough to keep going. It is my business to have a beautiful blog so I must keep at it. I never did get a subscription, but I most def. should. I never got a subscription, just would go to the grocery stand or book store and would pick up an issue here and there. Oh, I am sorry for your loss. I now to have a lovely friendship with much in common is such a wonderful thing. I love you, have a beautiful weekend dear friend. .

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  2. It’s a terrible thing to have another person oppress you. Glad you got out and were able to embrace who you were born to be��

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    1. Thank you Suzanne. I agree with you. I hope women will find inspiration in this post and its not lost in the idea that I would try and paint a character of my ex. I am trying to see him as a person that Source loves. We just weren't a suitable match after all, that is what I concluded. I love you Suzanne. Have a wonderful weekend.

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  3. What gorgeous flowers and photos! You are so talented. In Kundalini Yoga, they teach that some people have the need to control, and some have the need to be controlled. What we wear expresses our personal style and taste. I find that even women can make those types of comments, and that it's their problem. I have a close male friend who compliments my earrings, my dresses, and my overall appearance. I adore him. He is so sweet.

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    1. Awww... thank you so much sugar. I'm so happy to meet a fellow Yogi. I love your blog name. I feel very much an awakened soul. Your male friend sounds like a delight.

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  4. Hello Raquel, Your post is very thought-provoking. I enjoyed reading it but I must admit I don't agree with your idea of 'no compromise' in a marriage. I am no doubt a LOT older than you and have been married since I was barely 18 ( not that that makes me any kind of expert) but I do think compromise has to occur especially if both people have definite but conflicting ideas.
    After all this I will add that I was pleased to see that you like my tea cups!! And thanks for leaving that comment.

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    1. I appreciate that very much, and I always allow a space for people not to agree with me on all things. I am solely speaking from my own personal experience of being married for close to 30 years to the same man. Everyone surely has their own journey, that's for sure. I appreciate your opinions, and truly... thank you for sharing. I love that people feel comfortable in speaking their truth. I do love your blog, my dear little Victorian lady. Muawhhh... Raquelxxx

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  5. Thank you for your sharing, Raquel. I am just thinking aloud here . . . perhaps it depends on whose comprimise we are referring to. I want to always be quick to comprimise when I discover an expectation, long hidden away, of who my husband "should" be. This very post humbled me as I realized the unkind comments I'd made about a particular shirt my husband just bought. He is, to me, the epitome of the compromising of kindness in a marraige. We are very, very different and even come from vastly different cultures, and every bit of his upbringing and personal preference would have him not accepting the way I prefer to dress (much like you do - googling "Tasha Tudor dress" was how I initially discovered your blog), but he has never said a disparaging word, even in a subtle or passive way. Because he loves me, I think in his eyes this is just part of the package. So yes, someone here has to compromise. Either I do, and dress in a way that denies expressing who I am, or he does, and has a wife dressed not-to-his-preference. And he has, for almost 30 years, made that compromise with complete grace.

    Thanks for making me think on this, Raquel, I can hardly wait to apologize and encourage him to wear that insane . . . uhmmmm, *unique* shirt. Maybe we can arrange a date night this coming weekend and be the couple that everyone stares at, heeheehee :)

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    1. Oh my you are so welcome. I appreciate you expressing that you gained something from my little ol' post. I think you are a cutie and your hubby sounds like a sheer delight. I hope you share photos of you and he when you go on date night. I bet that night when you two are all fancied up you'll get a giggle, for sure. Love Raquelxxx

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  6. Happy Pink Saturday, Raquel. Thank you for joining us, and thank you for sharing. My heart is full, and I am deeply touched by your story. I am jumping with joy that you have found the life you want.

    This post is being featured on my Pink Saturday post this week as "the one that caught my eye".♥♥♥

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    1. Oh My! that is ever so kind of you... Pink Saturday, I love it! Pink is such a wonderful colour. Have a beautiful day! Love Raquelxxx

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  7. I enjoyed your flowers and your lovely spring painting!

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    1. Oh Peggy, Thank you so much... how very kind of you and I truly appreciate your visit. Love Raquelxxx

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