How The College Admission Scandal Contradicts The Law Of The {Seaweed} Harvest

My dear friends,

Today, I'd like to talk about the college admission scandal involving Lori Laughlin and Felicity Huffman. Let's dive in, shall we? I feel the real issue beneath the makeup sponsorships, the youtube channel of Olivia Jade {Lori's Daighter} and the dismal repercussions of this story have more to do with a lack of ownership and parental enabling than anything else.

I wanted to share my experience as a mother, and perhaps shed some light on why a parent might get tied up into such an ordeal.

Have I ever paid to get my child into an elite school? No. But how many times as a parent can we honestly say that we haven't covered for our children, so that "WE" as the parent look favourably by other parents or social peers? I will honestly admit, I was guilty of this a time or two. I didn't commit a criminal offence, but I have done some things similarly shady in my past. On more than one occasion, I would actually do my childrens homework so that they could get a passing score, or if they had a science project and it counted as a significant percentage of their grade. I would actually do it myself and let them take the credit. I am speaking for myself on these accounts, and I believe I am not the only parent to ever do this.  I was raised to care about what other folks thought of me. As my children grew older, I realised what I was doing. This is around the time I began studying, The seven habits of highly effective people, and I learned a great deal from that book.
 The law of the harvest defined: You reap what you sow. If you sow generously, you reap bountifully, but if you sow sparingly, you reap sparingly. It is a law you can usually count on in more ways than farming. This law of reaping what you sow applies to almost every area of your life.

Often, if we aren't raised to know how a harvest works in nature, we seem to believe we can overlook certain aspects of the process. I think this is especially prominent when it involves money. More often than not, when a parent has money/wealth, the idea of throwing money at issue has a way of overshadowing the natural law of the harvest process. How often have we used the cash to get us out of an emotion or replace an internal issue?

For instance, you would naturally know that to receive a healthy bounty of heirloom Brandywine tomatoes, one would not think to, plant the seeds, and the following day pull them from the ground expecting a fully ripe tomato, ready to eat. We understand that there is a natural process of growing a harvest. To have a crop: one must plant the seeds in good soil, nurture them, fertilise, care for, stake them, encourage growth with water, and give them copious amounts of sun. After a gestation period, we will have a lovely harvest of tomatoes.

For example, just as with food from a farmers crop, there is a gestation for chickens before they begin egg-laying or a woman that is pregnant. We don't question those time frames, nor try to hurry the processes. However, we frequently try and rush the natural laws or jump processes when it comes to particular areas in life.

The celebrities threw money at their childrens deficiencies, instead of allowing them to feel the pains of not making it into an elite school on their own merits and hard work. They also didn't allow their children to explore the growth pains nor let them do what they truly wanted to do with their lives. Olivia Jade {Lori's daughter} spoke openly on her youtube channel that she despised college and wanted to be a youtube star. They were controlling parents, and I believe they did it to fulfil their own needs and weren't necessarily thinking dominantly of their children, but of themselves. I don't fault the parent or the child, as I know all who were involved will learn and grow from the experience. I tend to always see the glass half full.
It made me come around to the thought of how often a child has been accepted to college because a parent swept in and feathered their child's nest. I believe when a person has insecurities within themselves, they might commit to covering for their children. If we seek the internal reasoning for circumstances such as this, it's because the parent has a deep need to appear perfect. To show peers that their children are worth bragging rights. Parents are frequently using their children as a representation of how they are as a person. If you have children worth bragging about, it's a badge of honour. Society has a way of rewarding an adult of being a good person if they have children that "turned out nicely."
However,  if the child is making choices a parent doesn't approve of, they exclude that child, as if the child is a puppet on a string. When we teach children or even other adults that we agree and give love based on conditions, we do them a grave disservice. We aren't looking at them with unconditional love or as if they are people with feelings. We are viewing them, as if they are a thing, that we can move hither and thither like a watch upon the wrist.

"If the performance is appropriate, I will give attention and praise, but if you don't accommodate me, and act accordingly, I will withdraw my affections towards you."

I believe this is the culprit with such dysfunction amongst family dynamics. Parents aren't confident in themselves wholly, and they teach their children a false sense of self-worthiness. This isn't a blaming of parents, and we shouldn't feel we messed up as parents if we raised our children this way. For the most part, I think it's what will make for more beautifully strong souls. I happen to strive on the triumphant notion that children learn as they go, just as we as parents do.
Do you remember the storybook from the Golden book collection titled; The Little Red Hen? When we go through life and try to be our children, spouse, family member, friends advocate, saviour, or helper to others, we do them and ourselves an injustice. People are disguising their acts, as a service, when in fact, it's mainly a lacking within. Now, I am not saying this is always the case, but many times, it is. When we demonstrate to another that, " I am going to do this for you because you cannot do it for yourself" we are actually showing to them that we believe they aren't capable. This is what causes people to become mentally weak and needful. They begin thinking they need from others because they are incapable of doing things for themselves.
Another thing I have taken notice of is when those same people, in the end, will turn around and blame another for making them reliant. Resentment will ensue because they were helped. This happens because people know intuitively and innately from their inner being that they are capable of extraordinary things all by themselves.

How often have you looked about and seen a guru, celebrity, author, bestseller, or your peer, tell you how they did this or that for their lives and they are going to teach you how to do it? Hey, buy my product, and I will show you how I did it.

If you then look at these same people a year or two down the road, inevitably it seems they come out with a new testimonial of how they seemingly had it all together, but they faked it til they made it. So, in essence, they didn't have it all together when they told you they did. They weren't truthful.

When we try and skip steps, that actually is what will ultimately create insecurity in our ability to believe in ourselves. A ferocious appetite within is what we should seek. How often have we worked hard at something, and then after all is said and done, we are so happy and feel fantastic about ourselves for the accomplishment. For example, I know when I can food, or learn computer programming, how proud I was of myself.

We should never take the advice of other people. I know this is not what most people want to hear. As if I am haughty, overly confident and a bit arrogant. What right have I got to say this sort of thing? I will tell you. We all should have the attitude and self-confidence to know we are fully capable, reliable and self-confident. I believe this is much of our societies disgruntled climate. Too many people are walking around as if they have it all together, when in fact, that same gal you think is the epitome of it all, is really just a girl. No better than you or I. People put others on a pedestal and shouldn't. If we put anyone on a pedestal, it should be ourselves. There, I said it!

I will tell you this, I used to listen to others tell me how to live and what to do, when truthfully I knew all along what was right specifically for me. Only you know what is perfect for you in this life, not one other person, and that includes even the closest people in your life. When it comes down to it, you know what you are supposed to do in life, and you do not need ANYONE telling you how to live. I am a huge advocate for living my life just how I choose.
I know as a writer that a transformational story sells. We, as humans, have an innate desire to connect with others on an emotional level. It is the aspect of being human.

I have seen grandparents, and parents hand their children/ grandchildren money to bail them out of their life's struggles; struggles that they, from the start, got themselves into. But they get desperate, think they can't pull themselves from the ashes, so they ask mummy, daddy or grandparents for a few bucks to get them set straight. They are feeding the fire by continually throwing logs on. As soon as the light begins to wain, they are back knocking at the door asking for another handout.

I wanted to share an example from my own life with one of my children, that I feel genuinely served him.  Our children know if we genuinely love them, or if we love them only when they are "performing" well. Children can feel that; they aren't stupid.

One of my sons is very much like me, he is truly a free spirit. He beats to his own drum and does not try to change for anyone. If you love him or hate him, regardless of either, he is not going to change for anyone. I love that about him, and it's probably because I am very much like that myself.

Even as a younger boy, he had a free spirit, more so, than his siblings. He pushed against everything, trying to establish his own identity. He was always in trouble with the law, had a drug problem, and was kicked out of three high schools. When he had gotten into trouble with the law the last time, he was put on house arrest and was continuously monitored. Law enforcement could show up anytime, unannounced and he had to be at home and pass a spur of the moment drug test if they saw fit to test him.
At this point, I had withdrawn him from school as I refused to heed counsel from the school administration to enrol him into an alternative school (its where they send the delinquents, as they like to call it). I felt it was not in his best interest, to be among the drug dealers and thieves he had initially got into trouble with from the start. I decided, under the objection of the school system, to home school him. I was going to make him repeat the last two grades so that he could graduate home school with honours. That is precisely what I did, in fact, he did graduate on time with honours.

Along this time, he was still having his friends come to our home and visit him since he wasn't allowed to venture out too much. I would make his friends feel welcome, and a favourite thing to do was to make them fruity milkshakes. They loved that. My son, understandably so, began to get quite restless. He felt like a prisoner and couldn't handle being at home; on top of me being after him always with his school work. I had to be a bit forceful with him as time was running down the sands of the hourglass at rapid speed. { I was also encouraging/pushing him to get his Eagle badge}; that was a significant amount of applied pressure as well. If you don't know anything about boy scouts or achieving an Eagle {which has to be achieved before the 18th birthday}, it is no easy feat. All three of my boys were in scouts from the time they were 8 years old. Only about 1-3% of young men actually go all the way through to achieve an Eagle. Needless to say, It's a great accomplishment.
My son was stressing out daily. He started to become unbearable to live with, and that included speaking to me with dishonour. I am a southern momma, and I don't stand for a child talking to me with disrespect. In fact, if I would've spoken to my parents the way some children speak to theirs, I would've been picking my teeth up from the floor {not really, but I was too fearful to even attempt it}.

One day, he went out with his friends and didn't come home at curfew. I decided to spontaneously drug tested him when he did finally arrive back, as I was a little suspicious of how he was behaving. He was clearly high, and I knew it. I had warned him that he had to abide by our house rules to live with us. He was a few weeks from 18, and I wanted to keep a happy environment for the other three children.

It all came undone that day when I drug tested him. He completely flipped out. He came unglued and began screaming expletives at me. I also became unglued and angry. I am sincere here, and {I hope you refrain from judgement on me}, but i literally pushed him against the door and told him if he wasn't going to abide by the rules he would have to leave permanently.

I don't know that he actually believed me. I think many children don't think so that when their parents say something, they are going to follow through. To show consistency, a parent must follow through. Many parents talk a good game, but when the crap hits the fan, they cave and give allowances. This teaches children/people that they can do whatever they want and won't have consequences for their actions. They won't believe you when you say something, because they know you don't respect yourself, so why should they respect you.
That day my son left, I knew I had to follow through on my word. No matter how tough it was going to be for me {and it was torture, I assure you. It ripped my heart out}, but It turned out to be the best thing I could have ever done for my child.

I went to his room and completely stripped it of every single belonging he had. I bagged 6 black leaf bags and donated them to the goodwill. He came by that evening and again flipped out when he realised what I had done with all of his belongings. I told him he had to leave, and he was no longer able to live in our home. The only thing he had to his name was his disconnected cell phone and the clothes on his back.
My son was now homeless. After about 2-3 weeks he got in touch with his father and begged to come back home. I let him. I later found out that he roamed the streets, slept on the doorsteps of churches { they had lighting, and he felt safer at a church}, slept on park benches and walked over 30 miles in total. He said that he had to keep moving because law enforcement would pick him up if he was perceived to be loitering. I told him he could come back for the next two weeks.  At that point, we were then in the process of packing and getting ready for our move to California.

Parents often hinder the growth of their children by enabling them. In the long end, it makes it more difficult for our children or others, in general, when we try to protect them from going through experiences in life.

I want to clarify that I believe every parent must make the best decisions they feel suit their needs and all parties involved. This was simply the experience that I thought would be beneficial in sharing.

The son that went through this experience is the child that remains the closest to me, even to this day. He was the only child of my four children that was a supporter when I divorced his father and continued to keep in touch with me. He is a very responsible adult. He once had 4 jobs to support himself, and I think that if I taught my children anything, its that they can do anything they set their minds too.

I believe to live by the law of the harvest will always be a great teaching tool for anyone. It might not be a bad idea to plant a garden, it just might be the thing a person needs to understand universal laws.

Most affably yours til my next swim, Raquelxxx


Popular Posts