Tuesday, October 18, 2022

Darling, It's All In Your Head And My Epiphany For The Tale Of Sawyer Lamb

Firstly, dear hearts, allow me to embark and perform a bit of housekeeping by saying how appreciative I am for your friendships that I have engendered here on my blog. Of course, I am finely aware we have not met in person; however, I feel a sincere fondness and look upon you each as actual friends.

When my dear son (Sawyer) departed, and I went through my bereavement, I developed such loving friends who budded in intimacy here on this small snippet of the befangled interweb. When I had my conundrum with my British friend Tracy, I shared with a relation of my struggle of how, unfortunate; she chose to remove herself as a friend (which remains me unaware and befuddled as to why she unfriended me); they said to me, "who cares, Raquel? You don't know those folks reading your blog or on Instagram; good riddance." I beg to differ. I said, " Oh no, I feel very close to those on Instagram and who read my blog. I consider them my friends.

I have some exhilarating news. I am releasing my two books (hardbacks), The Tale of Sawyer Lamb and The Tale of the Christmas Bunnies, on November 25, 2022. I have been feverishly toiling away at illustrations for Sawyer's book; next week, I will begin painting both books of drawings. I also plan to release a book a month forthwith.

After several years of emotionally remaining on the hamster wheel, my daylight thoughts were no longer washing away my night thoughts. I felt I was losing my faculties, so I petitioned the universe to send an answer to assist me. If I were hindering my personal growth of success (pride goeth before the fall), I desired the solution. That exact intention is what I gave birth to a fortnight ago. I knew intuitively I was keeping myself from progressing, yet I did not know how to unlock it. I was not allowing for advancement, and I understood that perhaps my strategy must also pivot. This next portion of the story is about how the universe works. I've known and have loved Russ (the rap artist) for many years. (In fact, Sawyer and I loved his work. I remember Sawyer would study his strategies for success in the music industry.) However, I do not follow celebrities on my Instagram platform or spend too much time on the app. Yet, last week Instagram algorithm suggested a reel of Russ speaking about positivity and self-worth, so I clicked on his account and learned that he had in his highlight section a book he wrote. I immediately bought it because I knew it must be positive; I enjoy supporting independent artists. I read the book in less than 40 minutes (it's an easy but profound book) and then read it twice further. I highly recommend Russ's book if you want a little grit in your literary diet. It's All in Your Head by Russ, and a few lightbulb moments went off, and I instantly felt enlightened that was the answer to my earlier intention that I had sent out into the universe. I wish to share the mermaid secrets revealed, and you might benefit at some juncture down the lane.

In the last fortnight, I have been self-reflecting my view on my circumstances as an author/ artist, and why my success has not erupted to the degree, I foresee. It has not been for lack of enjoying the process or my work ethic. The work determined resilience never has nor will ever be my dilemma, so I knew it had to be something I wasn't recognising. I am endlessly in love with my craft, which will never change. However, I realised I was also aimless and reluctant to send Sawyer's book into the world. I began to notice I would feel quite vexed when I progressed to the book's completion and then would become highly fatigued. As I am known to do (ask any of my relations), I conducted internal self-concept work to uncover my hesitancy.

I then allowed the waves of spirit to guide me after making my intention with a deep desire to be a vessel for bringing forth good and healing into the world. This desire is my life purpose as an author and artist, and I know this truth deep within my core. I am kind-hearted to myself as I know I needed a soft place to land while grieving my son's death. However, I am so profoundly determined and fueled to create a legacy for my son and the world over I will not let anything prevent me from vast success to be a force for good which I desire to linger in this world long after my departure. If needs be, I will plough the door down with my success in authorship.

Jeffrey Shawn and I have benefited from living with my folks, and they, in return, also profited, although intuitively, I feel the cycle is dropping anchor to a close for Jeffrey and me. We will be on madcap adventures in the new year. It's not always best to reveal one's circumstances, yet, I am very accessible when it pertains to sharing mermaid secrets in the sand if I feel my conscious prompts me, which, let us admit, I'm one to be spurred on at frequency.

In all earnestness, I share the start, middle and (eventually the end) because not many folks discover a voyage reference in life for achieving their success. It's as though many cloak their methods in vaults which does no favour for those labouring away at their dreams. When someone does not have a reference raft to seize hold, it will require lengthier intervals. I feel it a travesty to withhold secrets to success. It's similar to many very acclaimed celebrities who possess vast platforms, and they do nothing with them to make the world a better place. I want to question their motives, as they seem to be self-serving and ultimately worthless if we're speaking long-term in leaving a footprint of expansion and progress in a positive way.

Allow me the opportunity to share a few particulars I discovered about myself after reading Russ's book for the third time. Before I got on, I felt inspired by how Russ used each chapter of his book with a song title, so in a fashionable way, as Austin Kleon would say of Steal Like an Artist; I think I will do similar but use my book titles for my self-help book coming out next year. In part two, Persistence, Pull the Trigger, Russ speaks on hesitation (move with purpose), and behind hesitancy is fear. Upon reading the line in the book, I felt somewhat gobsmacked, as I wouldn't have thought myself in possession of even an ounce of fear. After reading that text over three times, it popped off of the pages as if illumination in fluorescent light. I am transparent and truthful with myself and confidently aware when the truth is staring me square in the eyes. I then, at that moment, realised, indeed, I was fearful of releasing Sawyer's book into the world as I had such deep sentiments tethered to his beautiful book.

I want it to help multitudes of people, and if that did not happen (it's all in my head), the prospect rendered me frozen in fear, and I would be gravely disappointed. I have grief, healing, pain, happiness, joy, and hope tied into his book. Each time I thought about releasing it, I felt loss and apprehension. In my head, It was as if I were letting go of my son, and that sentiment in my craw seemed unbearable to swallow. I know you can understand my sensations if you've ever lost a child. I also realised I have the personal capability to decide what definitions I am applying to each scenario in my life. Russ often states in his book; It's All in Your (my) Head. The first was my hesitation; the second bit of profundity is the journey and bounce back in Part three. I define success as knowing that my success is renewable; it's not a matter of IF my work is successful; it is a matter of WHEN it is successful. The details of how I will give rise to success are not my concern but the universe's. Among the many feathers in my cap is that I am a mindset coach, yet frequently when one is so into their vocation, they can miss the message for themselves. Often one cannot see the forest for the trees.

I can pinpoint every individual's difficulty I've ever worked with, but it is unknown when I attempt such declarations for myself. Zoë Kennedy told me when I read The Tale of Sawyer Lamb manuscript to her, my book helped her more than anything ever had, and that makes it all worth it; I've done my bit. The witty notion is that I did know that intellectually but perhaps not profoundly believe it at the time; nonetheless, today, with a fresh perspective, I do, at my core, know it without an ounce of doubt. The truth universally fixed in manifestation is to get out of our own way. Too often (and in a few distinct areas of my life), I have enormous resistance, and I can beat myself about the head by remaining in the way of the universe. If I can not let go and allow things, I am the one keeping myself from my dreams. Most often, folks push forward by trying to hammer a round peg into a square wooden hole. 

To live in a state of urgency is something I know well. After losing Sawyer, I understood that nothing or anyone is definitive, and I do not take anything for granted. To remain untethered in how we feel things should evolve is a complicated matter for humans. One must remain faithful and know without a doubt that; what we are diligently toiling away at IS at hand. Reminding oneself it will occur today, and if not today, tomorrow. There is no weighing that course; it is a matter of time. I keep no room in my mind for maybe.

One bit of debilitation is when a person self-talks by repeating, "I am going to do so and so." The word "going to" will perpetually keep one's dreams outside of achievement. I console myself with waiting because I want so much for my book to help millions of folks. However, that won't happen if I sit on the story and do not release it. So today, I got out of my way. I can now pass on the temptations to put off and override to the quiet calm without further loss of time. 

Most affably yours til my next swim, Raquelxxx


  1. Awe, you are a good Mama. As you said - so many thoughts of your son dwell within those pages, it's only natural you would want to protect it. Sometimes it's difficult to watch a fledgling as it first attempts to fly yet the birds roam the skies beautifully. And so is my wish for your book~ let it soar that it may be appreciated by many. 💖

    1. JL, that is so very, very kind of you. It was indeed touching. Thank you so much.


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