I've Been Crying Entirely Too Much Lately; Therefore, I Am Scaling Back And A Wee Bit Of Tasha Tudor Inspiration

Good morning, my dear mermaid hearts, 

The title is very woe is me, I am aware. (wink wink). Last week, I was struggling, and that, my darlings, is why I didn't put out much content. Don't worry, I'm all fine now, but I needed a bit to process what was happening. I had another spiritual breakthrough, for which I am so grateful. To be appreciative of our woes is something we should learn to embrace, for if we're trusting the beautiful process, we know we are to learn something of significance. It takes great courage to acknowledge that when particulars go awry, we are fully capable of looking within and sitting with ourselves to see what the meaning of our experience is and what Mother Nature is teaching. My darlings, once upon a time, I felt entirely embarrassed sharing my frailties, and these days, I am more my true self, and I want to remain that way with you: open, vulnerable and transparent. I know I am not alone in that notion. For many folks, the stashing of emotions is quite common. When we learn to embrace our whole selves, this is what unites us in togetherness. There is a productive way of sharing that sends off signals to other women, thus encouraging self-healing among one another. Here is a lovely little quote from the Tasha Tudor book The Private World of Tasha Tudor.

"People have rose-coloured lenses when they look at me. They don't realise I'm human. They don't see the real me. As Mark Twain said, we are like the moon; we all have our dark side that we never show anybody." ~Tasha Tudor

I love to emulate my muses and idols in reenactment photographs. 

I have so much to say today, so might you pour a cuppa tea, being we're all friends here? Please allow me to bang on for a few thousand words. It has given me time, and I've stayed sat with myself and deeply recognised where I intend to make changes. So, allow me to start with the feral kittens.

Do you recall the mum cat named Molly Mipsy and her three feral kittens, Peter, Constantine and Prudence? All of which I had the vet spay and neuter, and they are happily living in the cottage with me. Yes, all of that turned out well. 

Prudence, Constantine and Peter- The kittens in The Tale of Molly Kitten.

Last week, my mum and Jeffrey Shawn said in a passing conversation that I had too many projects at once and should focus on one thing at a time, or I was sure to find myself stressed and overwhelmed. As I often do when someone tells me I can't do something (such as handling loads of undertakings), I often prove them wrong and accomplish said objective with ease. I am sure that defiant behaviour is Sagittarius rising in that I don't particularly appreciate when told what to do. Not last week, though. I might add here now that prior to all of the activities I began piling on, I had set the intention that I wanted spirit to guide me to focus and to expand even more in any areas that I was blocking, which I wasn't possibly recognising. So keep that in mind whilst reading this post further. 

The first day, I awoke with a headache. Now, that might not sound extreme, but for a person who never has headaches, it was for me, and peppermint oil wasn't helping. So, I took a few Aleves, and that didn't help. The only thing I should've leaned into from the start was WATER! I was severely dehydrated. I kept going; however, that was my first sign of spirit, and I didn't pay attention. The next day, I woke up with a kink in my neck that was so painful, and again, neck pains.

I've never struggled with such things in my life. I couldn't get the pain to leave for over a week. Again, I didn't heed my body's call and listen. Here is where it brings absolute upset. I went to the garden to water the flowers as I do every morning, and as I was just about to turn the hose on, I heard a loud screeching sound. At first, I thought it was a bird stuck in the plants, but no! It was an entire litter of four more feral kittens, of which the mum was, at that moment, birthing the last one (I think), and then she took off. I left the kittens (for the amount of time the vet said to wait) where they were and hoped the mum would return. She didn't. I couldn't bear listening to the kittens crying for the day, so I scooped them up and got them settled. I began keeping them warm and bottle-feeding them. I was so stressed because of more feral kittens, and no one would take the poor things. I called everyone. 

By this point, the number of feral cats was taking over and coming out from the woodwork. My mum and I began getting up every two hours and bottle-feeding the poor little motherless kittens. Well, on the third morning, all four kittens were dead. I tried for three days my best; perhaps the mum knew all along they were sickly. I'll never really know, but I know I wanted to keep them alive. To support this post from becoming absorbably long, my dear father buried them, and I have taken to being more rigid in the feral cats I am now feeding. Now that I have controlled the feeding, the cats have all disappeared. Im not going to tell a porkie; I felt a sigh of relief when the poor little kittens had all passed in the night. All of the death I've had with animals was too much. I know death is a part of life, especially when having a small farm. However, I realised what my lesson was, as I was spreading myself too thin. When we don't hear matters when the spirit attempts to show us on the metaphysical scale, we then receive it where it will get our attention. I must laser focus and realise I can't try to save everyone. I am no longer in the business of taking the backseat in some regions of my life. It took this experience for me to step into my power.

In the next post, I'll tell you about an exciting series of paintings I've been working on. I think you'll love it.

Most affably, yours til' my next swim, Love Razz 

How A Mermaid Rises Above Waves of Judgement

"It's not my job to please people who can't tolerate anything but lukewarm baths." ~Ottessa Moshfegh 

Good morning, my dear mermaid hearts,

Some folks are simply mean and unkind, and that meanness is usually from those closest to us, as disgruntled family members or maybe from older friends we knew in high school. Either way, they throw little digs in a conversation with the desire to edge one in there because they're absolutely at the core of their being tragic and bitter (and that's my proper way of positioning it.) Even when we know and understand why people do what they do, those who've yet to reprogram their minds with new beliefs will perpetually be taken off guard or upset by the mean person's comments.
I will assist you in how to avoid regretful encounters with unkind folks. There is a long and short of it. The short answer is to stop spending time in their presence, but that's not always the solution, is it, my dear? Listening to new beliefs at night is the short answer, as it solves everything. However, a person might say, I see them here and there, this and that. It's not that simple. It is that simple, but everyone seems to enjoy making life difficult. It's not simple because they've decided to make it hard on themself. If the decision to merely end a relationship with someone appears too difficult, there must be a return of mutual benefit for both parties. That is simply all there is to it.

 
Some folks will not cut relationships off entirely, which is their responsibility. It's as though a person has poison in their cupped palm, dips their fingertip into the poison a little at a time, and dies slowly, knowing they are dying, but continues to dip their finger and partake. We do this manner of thing for several reasons. It's usually a trauma bonding to unhealthy people, a belief in the family, attachment issues, insecurities, fear, guilt, and, well, the list is endless.

 
Did you know the ability to cut someone out of your life and never look back is a trauma response to believing you could never rely on anyone? It stems from childhood, where you had to learn to depend on yourself.

 
Indeed, it is true. I harboured to relearn that it is okay for me to let go of folks, not in anger or rigid boundaries, but because I care about my well-being more than anyone else in the world, and you should care equally about yourself. Self-care is self-love, and don't let anyone even begin to bang on about how you are being selfish, this, that and the tenth. Anytime a person feels threatened or jealous, they will spout such nonsense on stilts in offence to someone changing the rules.

 
When bitter folks try to make little jabs, gossip, and stir up the emotions of another through passive-aggressive mentions, I find it unfortunate. Mainly because they do not know what they do and are reaping coals upon their own heads, and they have no clue about the karmic debt they will face. You talk badly about someone, and you'll become the target of gossip tenfold. I want to preface that; indeed, there will be a selected few who will say to me, well, you speak of your ex-mate badly. Allow me to clarify. I do not feel as though I am speaking badly. However, I am talking of him as truthful and brutally honest. Why? It should be used as a cautionary tale. I share my version and experiences that I went through for decades and why I beg to differ, as there are hopes that sharing my stories will assist others (especially women) in their lives. I have long ago permitted myself to speak my authentic truth how I see it.

Karmic debt is real! 

If you complain that someone squanders money, your money will drain from your bank account like a sieve. You judge another woman for her choices, and you will become the mark of someone very close to you. We would all do well to clean our own homes and stop thinking we are getting away with such acts and that they're no big deal. They are a big deal because the one thing that is the Achilles heel will become the undoing of that person. I seem to bear a mighty grievance against my ex-mate M; however, that is not the case at all. I have many personal life events that I pull from, and I've seen loads of ways not to do life, so I will share them just as I would with an ex-friend, family member, child, etc.

For example, I recall when thee olde sod would cry out among the roof pinnacles in protest that he would never return to labouring in radio when I asked him to support my dream as an author and artist. He declared it was beneath him and that working for his old boss was not an option, for he was better than that and had long before paid his dues. Shall we look a gift horse in the mouth, my fruits? He is skint, the show is on YouTube (it is not a nationally syndicated show), he currently works for his ex-boss where the ratings are nearly non-existent, and he has been pigeonholed into radio as no one would any longer hire him in television as every boss has sacked him. He allowed his EGO to invade and edge out his true spiritual nature. I partially concluded that he felt I was cutting in and intruding upon his situation. However, when a dark horse lacks self-confidence, which is always the case, everyone threatens them. 

E- Edging 
G=God
O=Out

I will throw myself into this mix so that you see I am willing to lay my frailties open to this landlocked world as well. My example is when I was mean to women back in the day; indeed, behind the walls of my own home, I gossiped about single women in the church and never had anything to do with them. I would judge them and say I would never get a divorce. Well, what happened to me, my darlings? I directly filed for a divorce myself and became a single mother. The universe most assuredly has a wicked sense of humour. I received my penance, that's for sure, and I learned an incredible lesson. I will NEVER, and I mean NEVER, be unkind to other women, especially religious single women. I obtained that karma around 1000 times heaped upon my head. I know at all times what I am thinking, and I act accordingly. It is not only a healthy body we put into it good food. We must be beneficial in our spiritual life as well by thinking good thoughts. Make it a habit to keep an excellent mental diet. 
Another thing to remember is that our karmic debt will always be that of identical penance—an eye for an eye. Might you get on and make harming merriment of someone being overweight, and watch how either you develop a weight issue or your child struggles? It'll be something concrete and karmic to you, precisely straight from your thoughts. In your youth, laugh at a man for being bald and watch how you lose your hair in your latter years. If you steal, someone will steal from you; if you complain and judge someone for having tattoos, look for your child or grandchild to tattoo up his whole body and face. If you were an awful person to your mother-in-law, watch how your child's partner is horrible to you. Alena from The Darling Academy stonewalled me (for no reason at all except for pure jealousy), and you see how she was, in return, stonewalled by several large Instagram accounts. It became so bad that Alena (The Darling Academy) left Instagram altogether, deleting her account.

I am telling the truth out loud because this is the problem with Instagram (and life in general) and must be remedied. As a society and as individuals, we will take a lifetime to change until someone's mirror reflects back and helps others see the error of their ways. No one can afford to be my enemy, as I will call it as I see it. If you have a problem with it, that's not my problem. We all must tend to our insufficiencies. I believe we can be good and kind and have a pure heart full of love. It doesn't have to become tainted and mean.

Furthermore, as I have said many times, every person who intentionally harms another will pay karmically. Remember when Guinivere Von Sneeden (aka Jenny Sneeden) on Instagram, who was once friendly, then unkind, and assisted (behind the scenes) all of her friends in witchcraft by trying to silence me in attempting to shut down my Etsy business, blog and YouTube channel. Look at Guinevere today. Everyone thinks she is entirely incredible and lovely, which, for the most part, I am sure she is, but she has a deviant dark horse side to her that she should look after and change. I chalk it up to her extreme insecurities that I witnessed firsthand. Today, she is suffering financially by not selling much of her artwork, thus having to flog dresses for Sondeflor. Do you think that is a coincidence? My friend, it is not. She is getting her karmic debt for bullying and relentlessly harassing me by trying to take away my money stream when I was attempting to provide for myself. 

Guinevere can put on Atelier dresses and twirl all day long, but the truth is she was a wretched person to me, and the universe was watching. She will suffer from her actions (if she hasn't already), just as we all do when we harm another, regardless of whether someone believes it's innocently done. Nope! Universal law does not work like that, my dear hearts.  

If you are envious of someone for having absorbent wealth, watch yours be gone in a whipstitch. That is how it works, my dears. However, most people live as if they can do this and that and get by with it without repercussions. I am here to advise you, my dear friends, time and again, we get away with absolutely nothing. Therefore, why not be a well-intentioned, good person? We all will learn, and I would far rather walk the line for my own sake than contend with finding fault with my sister/brother. I keep my side of the street clean; I hope you will, too. Please continue pondering on this post, save it or share it with others if you feel inclined to do so.

It is a universal law, and no one can defy the law.

I always remember the Golden Rule.

"Do unto others as you would have done unto you."

 
I no longer cut people out with staunch boundaries or become haughty. I merely wish them well (to myself), and I remove myself from their lives. Oftentimes, the universe does it for us, or those people do it subconsciously themselves as we are no longer equally yoked with low vibrational individuals. It's not a dire matter; it's merely life, my darlings.

 
I will not say the same thing I hear constantly from other spiritual authors or gurus. I find it revolting that folks continuously want to play a victim role, as if these folks must have boundaries set for them. No, they don't. I do not need to develop a boundary for someone; my energy exudes that I am a boundary person, and I possess respect internally to such degrees, and it, therefore, projects outwards like an undetected radar. When we have deep internal self-respect, no one can come close to us without also having self-respect. We will not come into contact with that type of energy. That is the beauty of trusting ourselves and keeping to our "nittens", as my great-grandmother would say, meaning keep your belongings together and tidy, or I like to define it also as minding my own business. It can be both. 
People who grow up in religion have this misconception. To change and be a new person, everyone around them needs to wear kit gloves as if the person is a poor, delicate soul and has no personal power. Nonsense, You are a God, I am God, and everyone is a God. I must break it to you that we all have the DNA of God. No, you cannot go out and move a mountain or fly or do anything that defies physics because you are a mortal. You became man, to become God, to become man again, and the cycle continues. When I tell people that they are a God, they have (in the past) lost their bloody minds.

Do you know why this occurs? Because what I am telling them is the truth. It is not mere speculation or something I read in a book somewhere. I am telling the absolute truth through experience, and somewhere deep in their soul, they know what I am saying is true but ravaged with fear. I empathise and sympathise with them. I know what they're going through. They don't want to wrap their head around it. I am stoning them with facts. I am taking the one thing they stood firm in and ripping it from them. That scares folks, especially those in religion. I terrify them no end. So they either try to adjust accordingly or deem me crazy (which is old, worn and tired out), try to warn others off me, or stay away from me altogether. I am completely fine with that. They will come back around to me, I am sure of it. I am so confident and built for this; nothing can get to me, and I know spirit has made me this strong. It is why I was in two religions, why I left and divorced my ex-mate with no job, money, no alimony, not a penny to my name and then my son was killed. I can handle hardships. Do I want to? No, but I can; that is the point. I am fully qualified to assist folks in showing them how to return to themselves. My employment is not to be an all mighty but to guide folks up the mountain, not to stand upon the hill and expect everyone to climb up alone. I'll be their guide, and they get to enjoy the mountain top alone. It's their lives, and they will be the ones doing the work.

 
No one needs saving my darlings, and most especially not by us. So many folks use the response of, well, if it weren't for me, this and that. But the truth is no one in this world is doing anything unless it's for a mutual benefit. We don't care for others, give up our resources, etc., without getting that hit of dopamine for ourselves. There is ALWAYS a mutual benefit. Sometimes, it's merely to make oneself feel better. "See how much I do for you" kind of mentality. Yes, you do things, but the mutual benefit is to make yourself feel better, TaDa Mutual Benefit.

 
I know folks like to exude this narrative of "see how much I am a selfless person." No, in fact, Kathy from Demoine, Iowa, you are not selfless. You do everything for a personal payoff. We all do. We were born selfish, live selfish and will die selfish. It is not a bad word; it stops here, my fruits. That's so archaic anyway; when someone spouts off, you're being selfish! "You can now say, you damn right I am, as are you!"

So, in the end, I was correct. We are all SELFISH, and I am proud to use the word with cheerfulness. I advocate for selfishness. I am flipping that word on its head, and it will be a positive and confident, happy, encouraged observation—no bones about it.

 
(My gracious alive, after 3000 words, can you imagine the dues my insufferable mother must go through having to hear me bang on about spirituality every day? Teehee…)

 
I love you!

 
Moat affably yours til my next swim, Razz