Friendship—Allow Me To Gush (She's A Treasure)

(Warning, this post is long and drawn out, but who are we kidding, you're here for the long post, right. So if you're up for a sweet friendship story and a life metaphor lesson I learned, pour some tea, darling and let's chat.)

Hey there!

At one point in my life, I would eat my feelings. Meaning I would write them down in my journal to get them out, but then never actually blog about them, but I'm trying to let you know (who my cat is.) No, but seriously if I'm being honest, many folks eat their feelings, but I've always written about them. (Shoutout to Forever Amber for that sentence). That's a beautiful way of saying how I've always felt, too, with my writing. By the way, if you love redheads, sarcasm and the Scottish, you'll love Amber's blog.

Okay, where was I?

Yeah, okay.

Ask my mum, and she'll tell you, since living with her and my dad, when some debacle happens, she will immediately say, "I bet you're gonna write about this on your blog, aren't you?" To which I reply, "of course, mum." Writers write, and everything is material.

Well, today was not a planned post. As a matter of fact, I was going to try and make up for the time I lost yesterday (on a few various bumps in the road) and spend today painting lovely illustrations. I won't muddy the waters (especially since it's the Christmas holiday), and I refuse to turn this blog into a fandangled mess. However, what I will do, though, is share something I am yet learning about myself at a more profound level. The wonderful word is called friendship. Can I share a bit of an unguarded piece with you about me? I've not always been good at the 'friendship' thing. It's not ever been intentional, but when you go through years of quickly making friends, but then they go sour, there's going to come a time when you say, "hmmm... there seems to be a bit of a common denominator taking place here, and well, look at that, Raquel, you're the common denominator! You dork!" I know, I know you told me so. We all learn at our own pace. Love ya, mean it.

Yeah, so Friendship, that word used to baffle me no end. I could never grasp how some folks would remain actual friends for life, seriously though; I'd be like, how does one stay "girlfriends" for all of eternity. What is wrong with these kooks? Heh...

As I'm learning more about myself every day, I realise that being a close friend is a bit of a new learning curve. Not in the way of "I don't know how to be a friend", but more like navigating the waters of learning how to actually be a friend long-term while also remaining vulnerable. I know I am changing on a vast level because just recently, something came up with a dear friend of mine, and I actually didn't respond how I would've in the past. Instead, I conceded in a whole new way. Well done you, Raquel. (Those beliefs I'm sleeping with are actually working!) Woot woot!

I've written a lot here on the olde blog about women and wanting friendship, and in the past, I would do what I think many folks do and write folks off. I know now where this trauma of mine stems. Are you ready? I would make up my mind (this is all in the past now....mind you) that women were out to hurt me deeply, so I would subconsciously cut them out before they had a chance to hurt me first. I know it sounds barbaric, but this is me telling you the truth about myself. The way to help others and myself along the course is to analyse my actions deeply. I am happy to learn right in front of the world. Maybe someone else can relate to my story, and I'll get another friend along the way. That's sound like a great trade.

Anyway, I learned that I would be quick to back up my subconscious belief to attract the kind of women that would end up ghosting or stonewalling me. I would then go about my way and chalk it up to another person that confirmed abandoning me as a friend. The heart of this belief was that I felt unworthy of having close friends and that when I did, they would always like me at first and then abandon/reject me eventually. I was afraid to be hurt and rejected. Yes, there it is. My deep-rooted fear of being hurt and not chosen. How many folks also experience similar things? It could be in romantic relationships and not friendship, but I think it may be a common thing, but many people don't talk about it, though. Because again, it requires vulnerability, which can be challenging for some people. Exhibit A! So what happens? I would always get what I thought. It's a universal law, physics, my dear friends... Newton's law.

Can you believe it took me 50 years to figure that all out! Thank Gawd I did, though, because now I'm going to tell you how much I love having friendships and knowing that my mindset has shifted and what happiness I've found in friendship.

I made a dear friend on Instagram (she knows who she is), and I caught myself after she mentioned to me something I did. I could see that old belief could have bubbled up, but when I took a look at what my friend said to me, those old emotions that would have usually been there was no more. No conjuring surfaced. I thought to myself, omg, I think I've rehabilitated. So thank you, T, for showing me what true real friendship is and having kit gloves with me as I go through this experience with you. What a wonderful thing, who would've known friendship could be this beautiful! I love you immensely, T and thank you again for showing me, through example, how to be a friend.

Now, as granny from Downton Abbey would say, "are we going to have tea or not!" Who loves granny as much as I do? She's a hoot and a half, I'll tell ya.

Most affably yours til my next swim, Raquelxxx

All Eggs In One Basket (According To A Landlocked Mermaid)

The dawn lit dewy morning was all-encompassing as I collected the eggs from the nesting boxes the morning after.

 

If you've ever lived on a farm, having raised chickens, you have come round to know that the vast clutch of hens will select one box and lay their eggs. Although you may have provided many laying boxes, the hens have a way of taking yield of one they like and will hold with that same box.

 
I tend to spend much time sitting in one attitude with my animals; nature has a lovely way of teaching life lessons. As I evaluated this established habit of the hens, it directly influenced my notion of thought regarding our crafts and Instagram. When we have an insecure idea of what we should pursue, we begin placing our metaphorical eggs in many baskets, hoping each one will fill that capacity of lack. The explanation for this jack in the box mentality is a lack of self-worth, confidence and faith. For many years, there has been a perpetual reaching and urgency with women (of faith especially). I say that with the utmost compassion (as I was one of these women at one time), women must stop trying to do and be everything and fill in all the gaps by overcompensating for emotional instability. This need to always keep doing, being, and employing by constantly subsisting in an active mode reflects the woman's unworthy, inadequate and innermost insecurities. It's invariably one of those three aspects, and I dare say it's defeating and self-destructive to the spirit.

I will continue to beat on about this theme until I've made a dent. Today, two more lovely women left Instagram for good, and a family member left Facebook, so when I carry on with devotion to changing the climate and creating a revolutionary paradigm shift for social media (Instagram especially), I mean it no end. The unmasking is at hand.

  
I admonish folks to place ALL of their eggs in ONE basket. To run and perpetually carry on with the same way of handling fear by leaving Instagram or any other time we've used our nature of fight or flight, perhaps try something new. I dare say women that slip back (again, I speak as if I'm placing myself at the guillotine) it's a mark of certainty that we are emotionally unstable; respectfully, that's simply all there is to it. To jump from one project to the next, we must begin to see life in the now with fresh eyes, new ways of thinking and decidedly take back personal power by remaining still. I am unabashedly lending some good news here, and I mean to take advantage of this moment in your reading my writings. To face our foundational beliefs that provokes our fight or flight responses is the godlike nature of our inner being leading us with our gut. We must face our fears boldly, or change within will never occur.

Most affably yours til my next swim, Raquelxxx