SOCIAL MEDIA

Why Taking The Advice Of Another Woman Will Shoot You In The Foot Every Time

Monday, April 1, 2019
My dear friends, 

I had such a flood of inspiration for blog posts come upon me last evening that I just couldn't wait to share. I have some black tea all ready for us and our little visit.

Before I commence, let me say to you, Rabbit Rabbit! The sweet little painting above is of the dear Tasha Tudor. I wanted to paint her next to the ocean. To those close to her, she was known to say on many occasions that when she died, she would reincarnate back to the 1830s, as a captain's wife.

As an ode to Tasha, I thought it only fair to paint her by the water's edge.
Have you ever heard of the British saying, "Shoot you in the foot?" I happen to adore that saying, I think it's because I am a sucker for anything British, are you?

A few years ago, as I was going through my transformational journey/ awakening, I was still gaining my footing and met upon a woman from the internet. I thought her warm and friendly. 

We got along fairly, but I did straight away begin to notice that she had many unresolved family dramatics, discontented anger and unresolved internal workings within herself. Our telephone conversations would rapidly become gossipy. She would air her vindictive ideas at how she had gotten back at her exes, family members, and women in the same line of work as her.

I felt uncomfortable for the most part, however, I have always tried to accept people for who and where they are.

I will confess that this post is not about shaming, nor blaming towards this woman, as I will always and truthfully be candid about my responsibility in all manners.

We aren't always likely to attribute our own behaviour and vibrational energy in a negative form. I believe mostly we might feel much better at blaming another for the experiences we are encountering. But if I am being transparent with you {which I always am}, I take full responsibility for my participation in the events. I clearly now recognize, at the time,  I was vibrating on the same energetic match as she.

Oftentimes, we aren't aware of what energy we are putting off until the universe rewards us with an experience. We are ever learning folks.                                                                  
At this particular time, I was also beginning to feel the ever so slight urge from Jeffrey that I might need to help supplement income towards our household expenses. I had not yet finished or even begun working on my first book, "The Tale of Merrymaid Scarlette Rose" so I was beginning to let the pressure well up inside of me.

I shared my feelings on both matters with my 'so~called' friend. I was beginning to dislike mowing the gardens of our neighbours. At that particular time, Jeffrey had several side accounts where he would make extra money to provide for us {he had the accounts for years prior to our union}. Jeffrey became incapable of continuing those side jobs, so I took it upon myself to pick up the slack. I was very known to do this particular thing. In my previous marriage, I would cover and make excuses for my ex-husband as well. I was about to begin repeating a past behaviour that was detrimental to me, without realizing it.

{Might I add, in the least degree, I do not like the conventional job, and nowadays I make no bones about it. Once I had a job at Anthropologie for 3 weeks, despised it so much so, that I wanted to chew my arms off}. {smile}

One day, upon our routine telephone conversations, my "so-called" friend made the suggestion that I should pretend to get a job at Hooters as a waitress. Surely, Jeffrey would become so jealous and he would say, "NO!" I would then be off the hook in having to get a "real job."

I am sure you can see how this story is coming round to be. To say it was the most asinine idea to have ever thought up or to have participated in is an understatement.

Wouldn't the truth of just saying, I didn't want to do the side jobs any longer, and I didn't want to work at a conventional job suffice? How often as women do we do something of this nature, instead of speaking our truth? 

I heeded what the friend had suggested, and set up an appointment. To my dismay, I was hired on the spot. To make matters worse, Jeffrey was more than pleased about the idea. I would make terrific tips and surely would help out financially with our household accommodations.

I immediately said, "NO! I'm not taking that job, Jeffrey," and proceeded to tell him the entire story. He thought I was nonsensical, in which I concurred.
Here is an interesting fact. If you do not create new beliefs for the behaviour that you have had in the past, you will invariably keep repeating it. It may be another face, another place, but it will always reappear if you don't get it underway. 

See~ If I would have allowed the gardens to just become waywardly untamed, and not come in to rescue my dear Jeffrey from his duties, he would have handled the situation in a more timely manner and I would have not injured my shoulder, which took a year to heal. All because I wasn't being forthright, and speaking MY TRUTH initially.

Let me take you back to my relationship with my ex just a bit, as this will help you understand my logic at the time and why this was invariably going to repeat itself. Until I was able to recognize what I was actually doing through experience, would I be able to change it? Words do not teach; only experience does.

In the past, if {my ex} didn't feel like attending church, fulfilling his calling, deal with a debt solicitor, buy groceries, care for our children, change a diaper, wanted to leave town to be with his friends, not attend a family gathering, etc., I would cover and make up lies for him. He would inevitably rise from the ashes smelling like a bouquet of roses, and no one was the wiser. This type of behaviour is indeed what created in me a great resentment towards my ex after we divorced. After the divorce was final and when I began sharing my REAL TRUTH, no one believed me. My ex remained the benevolent saint to everyone that peered through our little peephole. I hadn't realized that I had yet to clean up that same belief in my next marriage, and so it goes. I am so happy that I have now learned this enormous life lesson once and for all.

I had covered for my ex, because I wanted to paint a perfect picture for everyone. Nowadays, I am very clear with all of those that I have a relationship with. I no longer make excuses for anyone. I stand my ground in this manner, as it harmed me emotionally in a most devastating way.

After the divorce, my family, every single church member throughout all the years in my religious walk, women that I thought were my authentic friends, acquaintances, and even my children; all turned against me. My children nor close friends knew my husband committed adultery, nor was an alcoholic. Perhaps, a selected few did, but kept it from me. I surely was in denial of many things then.

I now fully tell women when I am coaching them to pay close attention to the early signs. If you are getting red flags (your gut tells you something), you should heed it immediately. My ex exhibited these warnings while we dated, however, I was much too young and naive with boys to have known any different. I don't blame myself, nor do I think, 'if only.' We shouldn't ever blame ourselves, or think we should've known better. We are doing our best right now in the moment. I must preface, if you are in fact, in a state of woe presently, that I do not want you to feel you are making mistakes. You are doing very well, my dear friend. 

All too often, women do not speak their truth. They bury their true feelings and lose their voice. I want to inspire women to live their truth. In the beginning, it is quite taxing mentally. I won't pretend it's not, but oh my, the rewards are heaven sent when one does begin to prevail.
In the end, the occurrence of me taking my friend's advice did surely backfire on me. I listened to someone else instead of my own inner guidance system. The other portion of this tale is that It caused me to wonder a bit, how often we as women, will ignore our own hearts desires, to placate to those folks in our surroundings?

Too often, we replace our own inner guidance system with another person, and we should never do such a thing.

In conclusion, I sat down with Jeffrey and explained the entirety to him, and he was better for it. He and I have an understanding, and I am so happy that we are close and honest enough to be able to share our emotions in such an unbarred way. It is refreshing to have an open dialogue with my mate. I had always dreamt of such a union. Relationships are always evolving and expanding, and that truly excites me. If we contend with each other, I look at it as a growing experience, and not how I used to view it~ as a tragedy. 
What I should have done initially is to be completely honest with myself, and my husband by telling him I was no longer willing to do the side jobs. I will tell you the reason oftentimes we refrain from truth-telling is because of our own feelings of lacking in self-worth and guilt. 

My mother raised me with guilt as a natural emotion. In fact, if I didn't exude a sense of guilt emotion, I was scolded and reminded that I was being cold-hearted.

A few years back, I was beginning to notice my mother exhibiting a martyred personality trait towards my father. Always, coming in to seemingly rescue him, and in turn, he would evolve smelling like a rose. {hmmm... we learn from watching, do we not?}The onlookers seemingly not aware of what is taking place. My mother could then direct the negative attention towards my father, thus her gaining attention, as the victim. People will then label my father as an ass, when in fact, he is only treating my mother the way she taught him. I have always said, we are always teaching people how to treat us. People will only do the things to us that we allow them to.

It's quite understandable that when people exhibit certain behaviours in order to have their needs met, they do so without the self recognition. It is a sure sign of a deeply embedded religious culture. It baffles me that I never saw it before, but fret, I shan't. I was not ready for the lesson until the timing was perfect.

That is the reason my family and I went for a year and a half without any communication. I was so angry that my mother raised me that way, and I spent a bit of time blaming her for my issues with my ex and men in general.

Now~ I may sound like I'm being quite savage in this post, but once again, I will express that I no longer hold judgment towards anyone {especially myself}, and I know we are each on an individual path, specific to our growth and abilities to handle such. I am so thrilled that I learned this lesson, and now see things so clearly. 
Today, I am healed from those beliefs, and I have spent much internal work on creating new beliefs. I have diligently made intentional efforts to never replace my self worth and desires for fear of offending another person. That even includes the dearest soul to me in all the world; my dearly Beloved Gardener. If we continue to put ourselves aside for other folks, we will become physically ill and resentment will grow like a wayward wild weed within us.

I assure you, that to be able to discuss in detail such an event is quite a learning lesson. However, I feel it pertinent to discuss such particulars, as I hope in some way to inspire others to listen to their own inner being. My friend, never allow another person to replace that role so delicately given to you from your sweet Source/God.

Did any of this resonate with you? 

Most affably yours til' my next swim, Raquelxxx

2 comments :

  1. Oh how I hear you! I remember the realization some time after the divorce that I was no longer making excuses. Isn't that nuts? That it would 'dawn on me' that I had been making excuses for him? It isn't however always women making the excuses. My brother in law covered for his now ex for many years. And this might sound odd, but even more than an affirmation, this post let me know that someone out there actually gets it. Being caught in that snare was horrible, and I too am so thankful for where I am today.

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    1. I think its a beautiful thing to finally come to a recognizing in all aspects of life's experiences. I wouldn't change a thing. I love having such an awakening. I also am very aware many folks have a tremendously difficult time learning such things, but all things in due time. Now everytime I go to my cupboard and see chips, I want to can them. Ha!

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