Advancing Towards The Past, A Wee Bit Of My Cottage Core Life In The 19th Century
Our Portrayal Of Victorian Life: Recreating A Cottage Core Life From The 19th Century One Step At A Time Series: Scale (Part) I
"A woman may sit in her quiet room, and, by her love, that brightens the homes of earth, and her faith, that lifts human hearts to the hope of their heavenly home, she may send out influences that will not only make the world better and happier but also help it to rise upward in its onward progress."
—Sarah Josepha Hale, 1866
Hello, dear hearts,
I thought that before I tick off this series, you may want to watch the video I created on ye olde YouTube, where I prattled about aspects of The Carter Settlement, my portrayal of Victorian life and what is undoubtedly many of the reasons for my desire to live in the 19th century.
I thought perhaps, in my ambition to demonstrate my course of action in words, I would toss out the numerous inquiries I receive from women and then answer them from my perspective. So let me get on, darlings.
I am under the impression you're not new here; however, if you are, I speak about the cottage core/olde fashioned lifestyle at nausea some might crack. In my bid to disembowel such aspects, I will express in-depth what cottage core is and give a depiction because many are under misguided understanding. Cottage Core has been around for centuries and means many different things to women. In a nutshell I swiped a snippet from the interweb. Cottagecore is a fashion aesthetic popularised by teenagers and young adults celebrating an idealised rural life. Traditionally based on rural English and European life, it was developed throughout the 2010s and was first named cottagecore on Tumblr in 2018. The aesthetic centres on traditional country clothing, interior design, and crafts such as drawing, baking, and pottery and are related to similar aesthetic movements such as grandmacore, farmcore, goblincore, and fairycore.
The tenets of cottagecore can help to satisfy its proponent's desire for "an aspirational form of nostalgia" as well as an escape from many forms of stress and trauma.
•What is the meaning of the pursuit to live a cottage core/Victorian lifestyle, and why, when onlookers observe those who exhibit a different lifestyle, they may find it a bit odd?
I've spoken previously in other posts that the logic for my living olde timey is that from the outset, I've always been this way since I was a small girl. Thus, for some time, I strayed from my inner truth of what I truly wanted for my life. Honestly, at the time, I felt it might be impossible to accomplish, mainly because the person I was married to at that juncture was adamant that as long as we were married, my desires to live old-fashioned were constantly squelched. Nonetheless, I would also like to state that I did not divorce my ex-ill-suited mate because of my desire to live the old-fashioned way (not entirely), but it was definitely one of the many things that built up the brick walls of my resentment. At varying stages of my life, I constantly attempted to return to my old-fashioned living. However, I had a bit of a crawl, and often, onlookers had much to say about my aesthetic. I was an insecure young woman, and because of that I allowed others' opinions to get the best of me for many years.
Nevertheless, my transformational voyage began four years before my son's passing. I had finally decided I would divorce the olde sod, and when I leapt, that was the start of me living life on my terms. That does not mean I accept nor believe everyone must throw caution to the wind and divorce their mate to live a dream; however, within my soul, I knew I was finished and had been for more than a decade. A woman knows when her soul has begun the descent into decay, although the clock chimes differently for every individual. Coupled with my decision to divorce as you might well imagine, when my son (at the young age of 24) made his transition, I gave rise to self-resolve and invariably live my truth even if it was unwanted or scoffed at by others, which was the most challenging decision as my daughter was 16 when I left my marriage.
Many mothers would not have done what I did, and I know I felt the anger and hostility from women directly telling me that I was an unfit person for abandoning ( yes, they used the word abandon) my children. Although all of my children had left home to live independently, and my daughter was 16, I hardly feel I left them so vulnerable. But scoffers there will be, and I pay no mind to them. If someone is going to judge me, let them. I ignore everyone anyway if they are terrible and unkind characters because what they think of me is irrelevant. Today, after years have progressed, I would now say, watch what you do and say. For, sure enough, I know these same people who passed unkind rulings on me are currently experiencing horrific karmic debts of similarities in how they judged me. Although most folks in this forest of fools believe they can prattle (what they feel is harmless chatter) by gossiping about another, I am giving a solemn candid reminder and profound caution that those folks will experience a karmic debt intensively. Not only will it come to pass, but the bounce back will be 70 times 70 and worse than ever. Trust me, I know from experience. I felt the heat because I once judged constantly (all be it secretly, I thought nothing of it because I was chatting behind their backs). Little did I understand the law and that what we do privately will be revealed openly, and indeed nothing is more difficult to endure than having to eat crow. It did not feel good to know I was the consequence of my demise and misery until I understood universal law. Therefore constantly be mindful that there is no respecter of persons. We all reap what we wield. So, yes, my friends, I am sending out a cautionary tale; let us be mindful of our internal conversations.
I determined to never return to my olde self. How might one begin anew if constant tethering to the way others would like us to be is neverending? It's not improper to create and become a new version of oneself. It's entirely courageous and requires enormous tenacity even though the forest of fools would strive and warn otherwise. An Additional beautiful reason for my planting myself one step at a time into the 19th-century cottage core lifestyle is that I am an author and illustrator. As early as childhood, when I would wear old-timey Victorian dresses to school, I knew I felt differently. It quickly positions one in a new way of thinking when dressed a particular way. I live and dress according to the era in which my work is composed; the victorian. I heard Johnny Depp confess in an interview that he keeps music in his ears while filming his movies and that we all carry a soundtrack or symphony within. I truly loved that analogy, and it's undoubtedly valid from my perspective. I'm never more in my element than when I have Victorian music or Enya playing in my ears. Likewise, I feel more connected to that place and time. England in the 19th century was and is heaven on earth to me, and because I love it so much, I decided to live in it. Albeit, I am in America. Tasha Tudor said that all one has to say when looked at weirdly is to confess to being an artist and straightaway, the artist can get away with anything. Hence, most folks think we artists have all gone soft in the head anyhow, so why not embrace our peculiar nature.
If a woman is not self-confident, there will be much mortification while attempting the cottage core lifestyle. When it pertains to the clothing of an old-fashioned or vintage nature, it seems complicated for various women when leaving the confines of their shielded comfort zones. We must create a movement where we all wear our lovely old clothes (any style) and embrace them with enthusiasm. Get to the grocer to collect provisions (and don't forget your baskets); we must go into the world and take on adventures, as Beatrix Potter boldly stated.
The cottage core movement requires confidence at a deep core level and enormous tenacity. We must learn to live in the world but not of it. Although we choose to live differently, the option cannot be for us to feel confident we all must live our lifestyle only at home or around women that are exactly like us. We cannot all move into caves and live as squirrels. We must brave the world and go out with an adventurous heart. How does one operate today and live in the past, and what is the meaning behind such efforts? Whereas I cannot speak for anyone but myself, I thought it might be within my reach to clarify my purposes so that, as women, we can become more of a fellowship community and less competitive in unhealthy ways. A little competition is relatively healthy in particular settings; however, not when we are all individually attempting a lovely little lifestyle niche for ourselves. That is the time when we should endorse and encourage one another. There's enough unkindness in the world; let us be better than that.
"Fellowship is heaven, and lack of fellowship is hell." ~William Morris
When one is a bit unusual, it can have a harsh response from other women attempting to live and transition into their individual dream life. I do not for a moment take this topic of cottage core with ease as I believe there are enormous aspects that have yet to be unearthed and looked upon in-depth. To me, cottage core is more than an aesthetic; much more. Along my transition (wearing old-fashioned clothing and living an olde timey way), there was a bit of a backlash. However, after much reflection, I have been put to ease. As suspected, the wicked jealous fairy beast was at the centre of their strife towards me; I know because two of these ladies have since come forward to apologise. Therefore a gentle reminder, dear folks, take score when women begin performing peculiarly towards you or exhibit a bit of recoil, firstly tick off whether you are attracting that retaliation. It may very well be from one inner subconscious belief system. Receive the data courageously (it's alright if we have a few belief narratives to work through). Secondly, endeavour to discern that living a cottage core life may unnerve some folks; however, follow your hearts regardless, understand that's life and get on with it. Not everyone will love us, and that's perfectly alright too.
I highly respect a woman who can admit their failings, and I am happy to report that I have made amends with two of the ladies exhibiting the jealous fairy beasts. One must understand that when a person does something entirely courageous and bold, it can ignite deep internal insecurity within someone. As a gentle reminder, I am cautious not to judge these women, as I now have come round to understand and have compassion. In the past, I was a jealous person. These days I keep a check on my emotions. It is a constructive way of keeping inventory of my fallacies. My employment is to take accountability for my actions mindfully. If I feel a rumbling beneath my feet, I will immediately evaluate if, at some point or another, I can recollect when I had sewn the seed somewhere and at what point. If I am relieved of that matter, I feel happy about the score of my harvest. In the past, I most definitely manifested those envious women; however, I've established all new kindred spirits and friends that I find utterly delightful, warm and cheerful. I have new beliefs imprinted, and I am tickled conch shell pink at approximately a year now, and I never have female relational issues with women anymore. I want you to know how peaceful that feels in my soul. I truly am an entirely different person. I have true pals now; we genuinely adore and encourage one other. I also manifested that I would have deep (long-lasting) connections and a new way of viewing women's friendships, which are illustrated these days at a constant.
Speaking of which, I have a new pen pal and am so happy. Do you enjoy pen pals? I am plotting something lovely for Stillwater-A Petticoat Society very soon.
•How does one create the atmosphere of old-fashioned cottage core living I am striving for when loved ones are affected by those decisions, and how does one navigate the many currents through the transitional process? I will answer to the best of my ability from my perspective.
I believe it first begins somewhere in childhood when as a small girl, I possessed a curiosity for the oddity of things. I was never one to ask typical questions; I was inquiring about oranges when others examined apples. It begins early for each of us; however, through research and scrutiny, I have found that desires defer around the ages of 11-13. Of course, every human being is unique with varying circumstances. Still, this deferring occurs in children in home environments where there is not a united effort nor large amounts of attention from both stewards equally (male and female). This age is very telling in childhood psychology. At that age, we will soon be teenagers (but not entirely), which is relatively conflicting. We have a strong desire to develop independence yet also yearn to be part of a peer group. We seek to identify with who we are and often borrow society, such as pop culture, to define ourselves, especially if we never bond firmly with our guardians. This feat is precisely why many youngsters look to celebrities or their idols for guidance in identity measures themselves. So, for example, I was in a home where my mother nurtured my imagination. I was also the only girl, and we lived in the country, which meant I didn't have many peers to fidget with, and I was a very reserved and quiet little girl. (I know, right, don't say it.) Smile, wink, wink...No, in all seriousness, early on, I was shy to a profound degree. And shall we ignore that I demonstrated red hair, fair skin, freckles and wore glasses as early as 2nd grade? They were not such great confidence builders in the '70s.
Although my circumstances dealt many a blow with my father's alcoholism (he's been a recovering alcoholic for over 40 years) and my mum's insecurity from relying on my father's breadwinning, she was a stay-at-home mother. She spent enormous time with me, nurturing my wild notions and expecting me to demonstrate tremendous independence. I grew up with rare outside influences, minimal television, and spent all my childhood reading and being in nature with a farming (remember my post about our neighbours, dear ole Kate & family that lived as Victorians) mentality. There was never a lack of creativity. The Carter philosophy is heavily artistic and enormously inventive. My landed gentry hails from Sussex, so there's an enormous intertwining of tradesmen, a guild of handicrafts weaved among my lineage. There is also a heritage of rebellion and ingenuity of invention. I'm confident I was born with that requirement to be distinct.
•Where from which do our desires stem?
Desires originate from our higher inner conscious, the God aspect of ourselves. It's spurred on by the more profound inner knowing of our souls wishing to acquire something distinct, whether living old-fashioned or on Mars. It is because deeply embedded within our higher consciousness, we remember at varying moments of our mortal life that there is a predisposition for what we know of ourselves on a level other than this world in which we now dwell. This topic is a deep conversation, and why I will need this to be a series of posts and not simply one long one.
The desire to live and dwell in the 19th century requires commitment in personal focus, specifying vastly on the lifestyle one is toiling away at achieving while not becoming a force-driven conclusion to try and persuade everyone else to try one's lifestyle on for size. A particular person desiring such a way of living for themselves (such as myself) had to accept and learn to navigate my voyage without disrespectfully infringing on others who felt no need or desire to jump aboard my ship of 19th-century living. I admit that before I understood Neville Goddard's teaching of EIYPO (everyone is you pushed out), I was that woman. If I was onto a new approach to anything, I had to try and convince others to be the same as me. This controlling nature occurred because I didn't love myself completely, and I was quite an insecure individual. Those who live in fear have an enormous need for strength in numbers. Many religions desire to control and indoctrinate youngsters (especially girls) early on to try and keep them submissive. However, the underlining truth for many religions is to build up a church, which relies on money to bring about a cause through many people. They rely heavily on strength in numbers and use fear tactics to hold folks into compliance. Once a person becomes independent of needing validation and support from others, they become a dangerous thing to behold. Mind you, I speak from personal experience, and I am not ever going to hold grudges or anger and resentment towards folks in my old faiths that were unjust, but I will share my truth with you as I see fit. It's imperative to share my journey from a scar perspective and not my wounds. At the end of play, once one is a part of any denomination, rules are followed based on morality codes and letters of the law. That is the way it works. It's subtle and interwoven in great degrees. I will caveat that not all folks apart of religion are this way; however, in my four decades of two entirely different faiths (Pentecostal and Mormonism), I saw the same things repeatedly. Although I have also come to understand the part I played. I was raised to believe that there are others above me and there is a patriarchal high arc, so of course, because I believed that way, I had to experience that precisely. Once again, I am everyone pushed out, so I had to live that belief. If you don't know what I mean when I say everyone is you pushed out, swim on over and read this article and it will assist in understanding what I am trying to teach. However, I know better now, and those beliefs are dead and gone.
I refrain from attempting to put out the flame if one or more family members are not on deck with my ideas. We all have a right to live how we please, and simply because one person craves the Victorian lifestyle (such as myself) does not mean that my mate can't have an entirely different set of desires and accomplish them too. I used to believe that if i wanted to live old-fashioned and my mate wanted to travel the world and live in a high rise, that was an impossibility. I realise that was a narrow-minded way of thinking. The attempt to make everyone conform to a narrative overseen by coercion is unnatural. However, I will caveat that statement with the law of assumption rule. If we desire for our family/loved ones to be on board, we can use the law of assumption, perform a tiny technique of living in the end and there you go; before you know it, you shall have your desire. Everyone, you out picture joining forces of an old-fashioned way of life will be along for the voyage. Honestly, dear friends, my objective for this blog, my writings and books are to bring to light that women know who they really and truly are, which are the Gods/ Goddesses of their reality. It is just a bit difficult for a woman to know what to actually do to change their life if they do not first know what is actually transpiring in their mental state and creating their subconscious behaviours. We have to understand where our self-concepts come from and then how to change them.
I believe many of us desire a more rural and traditional cottage core way of living, even men. The objective, though, is to bring about change where the immediate attachment to such a lifestyle does not straight away tick off as a religious sect. In my opinion, nor does a cottage core lifestyle equate to submissiveness simply because we desire a rural lifestyle. There is a place for all of us; it's archaic and small-minded to demand it is an all-or-nothing stance. That is a limited way of being and one I wholeheartedly disagree with at the core, and I feel that change is here. Suppose I have to do it myself. I believe deeply in this movement, and I have taken much of my example from examining Tasha Tudor since first learning of her at 14. Suppose there's ever a person that was the epitome of cottage core; it would have to be Tasha Tudor. However, we must pick up the torch and carry on the legacy now that dear olde Tasha has passed.
To me, tete-a-tete, when I was married to ye olde sod, I went on overwhelming movements and moments where I longed to live over 100 years ago. I had great success, but my error was always trying to change my outside world. Once I internally changed who I was, I was free. When I finally understood and worked from the inside, I became the woman I had always been, and it stuck. There were no more fluctuations. I was confident in my decisions and no longer flip-flopping back and forth, dependent on moods. I see this very often with women, and that is not judgement. It's my observation, and I know where it stems from because I did this exact thing for decades. The struggle is within and displayed externally because of an insecurity matter. I was at a younger age (around my 20s) when it began, when I would start sewing and making all manners of calico dresses and old-fashioned attire and felt everything about my old-fashioned lifestyle worked. My home was all cottage core; however, going out in public in my attire (olde timely clothing), I received enormous disapproval from my spouse and others. Yes, again, because I was insecure in many ways. Now reminiscing, I know it is controlling; nevertheless, when a person is in it at a young age and brought up a submissive and entirely insecure girl, the subtly is so slow and inconspicuous that it remains undetected for many decades.
In my experience, when someone oppresses another, there aren't outright literal insults; it is more subtle disapproval in that there are passive-aggressive remarks, tactical statements and ways to show gestures of disgust, disapproval and embarrassment. It's mental abuse at its finest, and when you are an insecure being, that type of mind manipulation works entirely in favour of the one manipulating. I must also caveat the last few sentences because it took several years before I could take accountability for myself and heal myself from within. For a few years, I was in the mindset of blaming my ex-mate for my mistreatment. Now that I am 50, I am transparent enough to own my portion and take responsibility. The reason for my divulging this information is to set the stage and help my readers to understand all of this mental anguish has a great deal to do with why so many women struggle to live out their passions and dreams, especially the folklore, cottage core lifestyle. We as women must take responsibility and ownership of our own lives and overcome the stereotypical way the world has operated thus far. We must be the women to create the change. It begins with us. It starts at home, yet the unorthodox mentality moves it from just being a movement we enjoy in the comforts of our homes. It's not enough to stay inside our homes, but we must become bold enough to be examples of this action out and about in the world. Tasha shared once that her children would walk behind her because they were embarrassed by how she dressed. She said she had the last laugh because they were happy to announce that Tasha Tudor was their mother once she was a famous author-illustrator and icon. Tasha Tudor exemplified cottage core; she wasn't afraid to dress like a pioneer woman (in front of everyone) regardless of what others would say) and it had nothing to do with being a Christian. In fact, Tasha Tudor, just like Beatrix Potter, and I are not religious women, but most people wouldn't know that unless they've studied it in depth. The notion that everyone attempts to attach the cottagecore slow living movement to being religious must become slated as old news. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being Christian (I love my Christian friends), but there's a need for a newer and fresh way of viewing things. Olde fashioned dress and cottage core living is not a religious sect. I'm not speaking of this negatively; I am attempting to make a bold statement that we must stop labelling folks, dismissing women and treating other women with contempt if they aren't exactly alike. I assure you that most women who enjoy the same things I do are more similar to me than not; however, for many years, I was dismissed for prevailing in confidence and possessing a forthright personality, most especially after leaving theology. Frequently insecure women are held back from a league of beliefs that women should be submissive (especially to men). They exhibit a compelled nature to judge other women who bolster self-confidence. One of the most prominent niches it begins with is Instagram. I have a little prediction. There will be a movement where wholesome, cottage core, old-fashioned down-home kindness, and adoring affection becomes the most significant movement of all time. I know because I am doing it.
Most affably yours til my next swim, Raquelxxx