Home Is Where My Heart Is, And That Means No More Compromising

A friend texted me yesterday and wanted to catch up. She asked me where I was now living, and I said with my folks. Yes, in what some have said is a one-horse, dead-end town. But, oh, how I disagree, and how much wish I could convince my dear friends that leaving their hometown is not the way to find the happiness they're seeking. We can't ever find happiness in things or places before we discover it within ourselves. I should know. I spent numerous years running (moving) from one place to another, believing that a different house, in a different town or state, was going to make me happy and never once did that occur. The most satisfying home I ever lived in besides the family home I'm in now was in Alabama.


I lived 25 miles from the nearest town, which doesn't sound exceptionally far, but I felt it was, and I loved the notion of country life more than you'd ever know.

And even though I was a ways out, I still lived right in the town square with a small library, antique store and a tiny little market. To me, though, I was as happy as a pig in mud. I baked bread and shared sourdough starters that were a century old with my darling neighbours. I'd bake a loaf of bread and send it over in foil still piping hot from the oven. We'd share gardening tips and seedlings from our veggie patches. Life was promising when I was relishing in my old-fashioned ways.

I lived in a Victorian {1898}, behind a grand big ol' closed down wheat mill factory. I spent my day's sewing, canning, cooking, taking my two small boys (at the time I only had Carter and Sawyer) on wagon rides down through town square, and they'd dangle their little legs in the small water fountain (when no one was looking of course.) We would collect rocks alongside roads and place them in the paper diaries; I had made them. I still have those diaries.

What I'm saying here is that my heart has always longed to live such as I am presently, but because I felt over the years I had to place my dreams and desires on the back burner, I never stopped longing for that trueness of country life. My then-husband loathed the old ways of life, and we moved shortly after that into a 1970's brick home. I was so saddened and disheartened, but with all of my tenacity, I began anew in what I called the awful looking house ever built. But something I now see that I was bloody brilliant at was recruiting a stable way of life for my children. I've always been that way; from then on, though, when it came to house selections, I was never permitted to select where we lived because he felt that since he was the breadwinner, he had the authority to make decisions over me. Which now looking back, is quite utterly ridiculous and outrageous. I am the mum, spending all of my time at home in an attempt to create a haven for my family, so rightfully I believed the woman should have the say-so in which house to live. (Taking a clue from Tasha Tudor, she also struggled with this from her two husbands. However, she was the breadwinner, and her decisions weighed out. Oh how I adore Tasha, and her determined spirit). Having been married to an ill-suited mate, I allowed his desires to override mine in a bid to be the good Christian woman, and I became a woman of constant compromise. The compromise led me to stifled feelings of resentment, frustration and ultimately near hatred. One might believe that, especially when being newlyweds that our opinions aren't necessary to stress over. Hence, as women, we often, in a bid to create peace, throw our hands up and give in since he is the man of the house. It's quite damaging, ultimately creates discord and destroys marriages. Or should I say, It did for me?

(I must interject that I no longer have these same beliefs and determined after my divorce, I was never going to compromise my truth, especially for my mate. Honestly, it has been the greatest gift I've ever given myself. And also Jeffrey and I have a beautiful relationship of respect and admiration. That may sound boastful, and I happily won't apologise for humbly bragging, as it took me over two decades to arrive with this mindset. So, boast, I shall.)

The question my friend posed brought me to a reckoning about home, and how I feel about my home. My mum and I will pop the tea kettle on and spend time chatting over the philosophies of life, and today was no different. Country living is a state of mind, and it's where my heart is happiest indeed.

Since I was a young girl, I have always loved living in the country. I grew up in this small quaint sleepy town and in my deepest desire wanted to get back here. Honestly, though, through the years, I had nearly resigned to the belief that I would never get back. Well, because my ex-husband despises this town, never wanted to visit and always talked wretched about how it was a dead-end place, couldn't wait to flee and never return. So I pretty much stopped believing that I would get my wish. But look at me now. Who would have thought that I would get my desire? It's made me believe in all of my dreams coming true. I also think the most significant contributing factor is that I live the law of attraction practices and that I'm a powerful creator.

I just recently decided to say that in my heart, I'm where I belong, and I get to make the things in my dreams become a reality. I could choose to see those small neighbouring homes through the brush across the way, or I can wipe away all the houses and see the woods. I can pretend that I own all those acres behind my folks and that's where I have my pet sheep. I'm allowed to dream; I permit myself to dream big. I can choose to focus on the things that haven't physically manifested yet, and I can create my world the way I want it to be. That's the beauty of imagination.

"That's the beauty of being an artist; I get to play God and create my world the way I choose it to be."~Tasha Tudor

Indeed, I've also learned after many years of moving that when we decide to up and move from a condition we don't like, we will always find ourselves feeling the exact way, no matter where we go. It may be a different place or a different face, but unless we've learned what is needed to heal our hearts, we will continually get the same experiences. Why? Because happiness is in our hearts. It's in our soul, not where we live, not the person we're in relations. Happiness is choosing to be happy, no matter the condition or circumstance.

The world spends so much time believing that to be happy, one must have a particular home, live in a specific neighbourhood etc. We must find happiness within, and when we come to that mindset, the universe will bring it forth in reality.

So might you remember the next time you want to up and flee a condition or a move, I highly recommend getting into alignment first, leaning in on inspired action. I also propose to put an end to compromising your dreams and desires and live a life you love, because honestly you never know how long your earth life experience will be, and life is too bloody well short of making others happy and not yourself.

Home to me is a state of mind. And whereas I've had to over the years work at it being a state of mind, it's also something we should never allow anyone to try and convince us of ridding ourselves of, most notably of what we genuinely love. If you love old ways and it's something you desire deeply, never compromise your beliefs.

The universe has a way of aligning your soul where it truly belongs. Even though you can't see the light, it's always there waiting to rise through and inevitably will.

Most affably yours til my next swim, Raquelxxx