I had not spoken to anyone of my deepest set intentions. A week prior whilst in meditation; however, my Mermaid Inner Being/God-Consciousness/Sawyer knew that I had. I had set intentions that I was now ready to heal and close the gap. I've spent years In this one particular area of feeling shifts of pushing and pulling, ebbing and flowing. When I swore off theology, my friends in the faith; swore me off. I know it's not anyone's employment to feather my nest and It's not their fault. I was expecting someone else to do for me what my Mermaid Inner Being/God-Consciousness/Source is there to do. Always beneath the ocean depth of anger is hurt. It takes time to flush out those rifts within our spirit, and that's faultlessly allowed. Too often I would have a wanting, but then anger would bubble up like a whirlpool of emotion, and I'd push my corked heart back down to keep it from surfacing. Might you gather that I have spent the last several years being inwardly angry at women from feeling abandoned by what I thought were my "church" friends and men too? I had issues with my father with that trickling down to intertwine with my ill-suited ex-mate relations? These emotions are very understandable, and yet I know I wasn't ready to grow and move forward until a day last week. I should like to tell you how we as landlocked humans experience something and whereas we think it's an isolated event; It's never entirely that way. Our energy is connected and seeps through our veins as life-giving water through the gills of a fish. Everything is energy, and we vibrate in a world where everything is interconnected; however, we don't always recognize it until we are ready.
My experience started on Friday of last week. I was eager to get onto the internet and write up several posts and also render a youtube video for my docuseries that I'm working on, but to no avail, as the wifi would not connect. Each time I tried another process, my computer would say "NOT CONNECTED" with a blazing big red alert stop sign across my Mac. I didn't think much of it, so I just left it as I did have the wherewithal to know if something bothers me to go and do something else and not put more resistance on my trail. So off I swam to Instagram to think of an inspiring story to post. I don't follow anyone on Instagram, so I rarely become distracted, however on this day habit prevailed upon me and down the rabbit hole of the explore page I went. I stumbled upon this darling young redhead that is chewing up the Instagram traffic {within the hour of checking out her feed I saw her follower count go up by 2000 people}. I said to myself, " this girl is vibrating and allowing in what she has lined up with energetically." She allowed for connection. There was that word again. I sat in contemplation and thought this is the connectivity that I too desire. She is an example to me. I thanked her in my heart and went to journal my feelings and then write this post. I feel genuinely inclined to write posts such as this; often, we don't see particular events that are transpiring until we are open to acceptance. We must arrive at a place of being willing and open like clay, becoming moulded into beautiful pottery. I had asked for the universe to lead me towards my dream of connection, and it happened in the most strangely of ways.
Now, mind you this darling girl has a massive following where it looks like they seem to be very religious women on her feed. So what do you think that did to me, initially? Yes, indeed. You guessed it. I felt that bubbling up of upset begin to vex me; however, I've become much more mindful in recognizing my set off prompts. I knew I was onto that whirlpool of thought that was happening inside of my heart. Initially, I was a bit anxious that these women were relishing in this cute girls Instagram feed, and I thought "Ha, you wait and see how fast those daft cows turn on you. You're naive to think that these women actually give two bits about you." I know I sound like a bitter person, but I'm not. Beneath all anger is where my hurt resided. I've known this truth for years but shrugged it off as If It was outside of me, because "I follow the law of attraction, and I know better." I do love that the universe has a sense of humour—silly ol' Raquel. You might think that I'm peculiar for loving Instagram the way I do, as If It's a tortured way of continually seeking something just out of my grasp. Still, in fact, I have learned so much in life with a simple app called Instagram, and I've never been happier about it than today. I know God-Consciousness uses all types of streams to teach and allow for expansion. That's the extraordinary thing about the Universe; God-Consciousness has an overview and knows how to inspire us each to mastery.
The next several days, I had many understandings of God-Consciousness/Source showing me where I was reaching out but then feeling an energetic pullback (disconnect).
Still, after my Instagram rabbit hole voyage, I didn't think about what my intentions were and how I had a connection desire that I was ready to heal from until It hit me.
And then it happened, as the softest drop of rain upon my bare-skinned shoulder; I felt Sawyer reveal to me," Mama, you are ready, allow women and others to love you. Open your heart and allow them in. Everything is okay, Mama. You have nothing to fear, and it is time. Women want to love you if you'd let them." I wept for ten minutes. It was a happy cry.
Today is a different day. My heart is now open, and I'm letting my cork flow freely with no barriers. I'm letting love into my heart to make beautiful connected friendships with women, especially. My friend-ship has come in, and I'm ready now to take a maiden voyage.
For so long, I was drifting away. My anchor tossed unsuitably, and the currents were taking me farther out from my life savoured ship.
I'm making a video about what my experience gave to me last week about connectivity. How true it is that our souls are wholly guided by the most significant source available and the knowing of how to reach deep into an opaque chest and drop magical pearls of wisdom.
Still here I am, and I'm so happy with where I've surfaced. Might we begin a maiden voyage together? Would you like to connect with me on Instagram? I'd love to be merfriends with you. oh, lets.
Most affably yours til my next swim, Raquelxxx
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