Monday, July 3, 2023

The Mermaid And The Gardener~ Introduction And Scale 1

[ DISCLAIMER—If I seem to be speaking out of turn, I am. I am a woman no longer holding her breath, waiting for something to end. I am ready for something new to begin, and so I write. As suggested by the lovely Emily Dickenson, she said, “Tell the truth but tell it slant.” As a writer, I’ve restructured particulars to suit better my purposes which is to amuse and teach. I feel inclined to protect (some folks) but mostly myself, and therefore the truths I write are indeed facts; however, they are my impressionistic perspective. Feel free to take this as pure amusement, and perhaps, in addition, one might derive some benefit. No heavy lifting here; let us all remain in one’s good graces, smile and carry on. Life is a game, and so I play it.] 


A few days after Sawyer had passed, I began jotting down the story of how I met and married my husband and twin flame, Jeffrey Shawn. After the first chapter and the introduction, I stopped writing and moved it to my draft folder. That is where it has remained until now. My heart was in too much pain; I had attempted to push through it to no avail. It was merely too much. I have been on a healing voyage for over four years now, and I am ready to share my love story with you. It could be another way to continue my healing because, honestly, my heart desires to write something quite happy, and my love story always warms my heart. I have to write; my writing has been and remains my therapy; therefore, I will attempt this pursuit by plunging back in and seeing where it takes us.
I hope you love the story; it makes you smile and inspires you to believe in love. 


I took an Uber from the airport to my folk's house at one o'clock in the morning. I had missed my first flight, and in an attempt to believe all things were working together for my good, the friendly airline agent was able to find me another connection.

Phewww... After plopping down in my seat on the Delta 747, (I thought that all of the laws of attraction I had been studying showed signs of working.)

I had two black suitcases with bright blue bandanas knotted to each handle. All that I possessed were in those two suitcases. I had lied to my parents as I knew this wasn't just a little reprieve; I was never returning home, and no one else knew it except for me. I had planned and executed my escape. Inside the zippered pocket of my black suitcase were my birth certificate, passport and marriage licence, {I knew I'd need it for when I did the inevitable, file for a divorce}.

I walked through the door, and my mother took my two suitcases, placing them in the guest room, where only a writer's desk sat, but no bed. "I've made up the couch for you since your brother has the only other available bed," said my mother. My little brother was living at home at that time, and he had laid claim to the other guest room.

My mother had prepared the couch with white sheets {it was linen, oatmeal in colour and entirely new}; she didn't want it to get dirty. My blanket was an afghan that belonged to my brother, crocheted in Gator {blue and orange} colours.

I was wholly exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally. I was leaving my old life behind, and no one was the wiser for it. My parents thought I had come for a much-needed visit and to carry out my very first women's retreat workshop at Chinsegut Hill. That's what I had told them. I had to mentally prepare myself for the endeavour of a lifetime, especially once everyone 'caught wind' of what I had planned. I was going to create a whole new life for myself.

I was angry, bitter, and possessed thirty-five years of built-up resentment, and I had something to prove. Of course, I love men, but I could honestly see why women married for money and took to having "arrangements." However, I thought to myself, good riddance and piss off! I'd be better off if I never saw another man for the rest of my life. I had been burnt like the blood-red sun and wanted no part of love ever again!

The first week turned into the second week, vacillating from sleeping on the couch to little walks around the neighbourhood. I cried myself to sleep, and for the first portion of my stay, I did my level best to conceal from others the amount of pain I was actually in. I'd cry when no one was around. I listened to Law of Attraction videos at nausea, which made me feel better. I had to gain my strength because I knew all bloody hell on this side of the Atlantic was about to hit the fan.

My little brother was a comfort; and good company, for he kept me from my mired thoughts. I had no idea how I would make a living to provide for myself. I needed money to live, pay for a divorce, get my own cell phone account and find a way to return to Carmel, California. My plan was only a short pitstop at my parents, which would suit me just fine until I was able to get my head on straight and come up with a strategy.

I'd spend evenings watching Gator's football games with my brother, ordering Luigi's pizza and needling him of his undying affections for the television show, "Golden Girls." I never much cared for that show, but he and my mother have an infinite love for it.

My sadness and guilt turned towards my children. My daughter was a sophomore, my oldest son had just returned home from his two-year mission for the Mormon church a week prior, my youngest son was soon to graduate from high school, and my second to eldest son was not as much of a worry; for he had long been out on his own.

There's a fine line between hatred and love, and I was about to discover how true that statement truly was.


  1. I wanna tune in to see how this turns out. It's like a soap opera. This is going to be exciting and ill be on the edge of my seat waiting for the next chapter.

    1. That makes me entirely tickled to write the next instalment.Cuddles!

  2. I look forward to reading about you and Jeffrey's love story. I know it has been epic.

    1. OMG! Thank you so much! I've been putting it off, and yet it seems to be drawing interest.

  3. I can’t wait until the next segment to hear what happens next!

  4. You’re such an excellent writer, you explain the situation well enough that it makes me remember things I’ve forgotten

  5. I look forward to your story. I hope you have reconciled with your children and I pray your life is as blessed as it should be. ❤️

    1. Jackie, Thank you so very much. I can't wait to publish the next chapter. You will be happy to know I have reconciled with all of my children. They are such lovelies and dear souls. I am blessed to be their mother.

  6. I know the whole story and I still can’t wait to read the rest!!

  7. Omg, I too am so excited to hear this whole story! And I really love your writing too, it really captured me immediately as I started reading.


Connecting The Dots

You Might Enjoy