My dear frinds,
Might you pour some tea and let us have an insightful discussion on the idea of a name. I am constantly prevailed upon to question particulars in my life, like most of us, we are constantly expanding and wanting to understand what and how things work.
In the last few years, I have become absolutely intrigued with the power of a name. It all began in 2015 when I filed for divorce from my then husband. I set a foot trying to decide what I would do from then on out with regards to my name. Should I change it back to Carter, my maiden name? If I were to get remarried would I legally change it again to my new husband's name? What should I call as myself author/ illustrator? Should I buy the domain name of my new spouse or keep my maiden name no matter what occurred in my life. These were all the things I began to ask myself until the day came that my ex-husband decided to play a bit odious and allow my website to falter. I didn't control the main hub of getting emails directly as he had previously owned my domain emails and website. I then lost 11 years of my previous blog. I was very upset and completely disillusioned as I had spent years creating content. And as you know writing has always been the love of my life.
I pushed forward and then decided to buy my own name, Raquel Carter, feeling as though I wouldn't ever go wrong in owning my own name. I decided straight away that Beatrix Potter and Tasha Tudor both had been married but kept their maiden/surnames through their lives and I would do the same. I also learned as I was purchasing my domain name, just for curiosity i inquired about my newly married name. I discovered a certain someone had purchased it and was domain squatting Raquel Stafford {that's what you call it when people are trying to be vindictive in the cyber world}. I now know this is against the law. I won't go into details, but just know that some people will make faulty decisions as their lives have become impaired due to pain and anger.
I have wanted to share my little story with you, my dear friends {especially women} as a way of curating an inspirational story of happiness and optimism. I will always strive to see the optimistic approach with regards to my life, knowing full well I create my reality and attract all that is present within myself at any given time.
As time has wained I know all that occurred with my name was definitely another learning experience for me. I am so pleased to have experienced the name debacle because it certainly helped me to refine my sense of self-worth and independence. Let me explain a bit further.
Because I wasn't able to buy my married website domain name, It inspired me to reach for more as an altogether stronger woman. For reasons I haven't exactly put my finger on, it created a sense of independence and entrepreneurship within me. As a young child, and obviously being called Raquel Margaret, i had this sense of proudness and confidence that was always with me.
Perhaps, that's what it was about all along. Me gaining back my life through independence and confidence. As a child, I had always felt invincible and I do believe that created an upwelling within me again when I legally had my name changed back to, Raquel Margaret Carter. I am a Stafford also, so I am legal with both names. For me, it has worked out beautifully. I do love being a Stafford as a married woman, but also keeping my independence with my maiden name. Furthermore, I absolutely love my name, Raquel Margaret. I think it's beautiful and I am named after great women. Raquel Welch, and my aunt Margaret. Both women are divine in my eyes.
After I became a married woman the first time and took my then husbands name I was always called 'So and so's wife which caused me to feel that my identity was tied up in that name. I felt a sense of insecurity as if I wasn't my own person anymore. I felt unsuccessful and separate. So after I left my marriage I noticed when I would think of that name, the attachment to it created a vibrational uneasiness for me. That doesn't mean I feel that way now, and perhaps it's because I have made up my mind, and you should too that a name doesn't define us. It only defines us as much as we allow it to. We create our lives and the conditions surrounding us in accordance to how we would like them to be. Sure we have the power to go through our lives being a victim, by arguing for our limitations.
We have the fullest capacity to use the excuse that we are the way we are because this and that happened to us, or that we have this name as a label. We are altogether different than animals. We have something that animals don't possess, its called a stimulus-response. So we can't scientifically use the excuse that we are born this way or that way. It's simply not true. People like to define their lives in a certain way as it will always feel better to blame our circumstances on something outside of ourselves. It totally makes sense but that doesn't actually make us feel better long term. Just remember it's okay to do things in order for you to feel better short term, but then decide you'll reach for more to better understand your reasoning and logic. It will create such happiness within you when you discover what you're truly all about and name identification is apart of that process. It can be fun if we will just allow it to be. Oftentimes we just need to change our approach to a subject and that's all. Consider it a SELF-LOVE strategy! smile...
I choose to be a strong independent woman and make my life just as I see fit. If there is anything to learn from coming to my blog, it's that we as women get to make up our own rules. Noone can define us or tell us what and how we should be, and for that matter, no one can make us feel bad about our choices. This is a blog of no judgement and full of happiness. I want you to feel happy, creative, inspired, supported, dreamy and most of all loved when you swim here. We get to make our own rules and no one has to agree with us. That's the beauty of giving oneself love and total acceptance. You want to change your name to mermaid melissa, or little bear or rising sun? I say go for it, do it! You know ultimately what's best for you, and forget the rest. Do not give a rip what another thinks of you. Be strong and confident in yourself. You are absolutely the most beautiful person ever born. The problem is most women forget this over time. I am here to remind you of it, my dear sweet friend, just in case you've forgotten for a moment.
There have been studies done with children and adults alike with regards to names and how they play a vibrational role in their lives. I know names and what someone is called does have an impact. I know of a woman, named Mermaid Melissa. She literally had her name changed legally to Mermaid Melissa. I also know of a family that had a boy that had one name for the first seven years of his life and then one Sunday at church he informed me he had a new name. He told his parents since he was able to talk that his legal name didn't appeal to him. The parents said okay and legally had it changed. The little boy's new name was not a family name nor did it have any genealogical connections. This child literally picked a name he liked and was therefore called the new name from that day forward. I remember hearing of this at church and I thought it was pretty brave of the parents. There were many members that called this family odd and weird because of it. I thought, what judgement. Who cares if someone wants to change their name.
I see the advantage of assigning oneself a new label, or new name. I believe what psychologically happens is that when you have a new name it no longer carries with it the vibrations, failings, or old scripts from your life as the old name does. It's metaphorically like laying all new pipes in a fish pond that's become cloudy from gunk in the old ones. It's modern and therefore you can begin anew in your mind. It creates a new beginning, a fresh start.
I'm curious, have you ever thought about the power of a name?
I shall write again soon.
Most affably yours til my next swim, Raquelxxx
The bath is super tiny, and there is no room for a cabinet for towels, wash clothes or the like, so I found this old crate at an antique store for 5 dollars and thought it'd work for a towel holder. I can fit 6 towels. On the back of the toilet, I placed a basket with rolled wash clothes and hand towels. I have a rule about towels. I only use white. They'll always match no matter the decor colours and style, and they can be bleached, which makes them smell wonderful.
